Lance Bass Shocks World With Surprise Revelation That He Has Any Sort of Functioning Sex Drive Whatsoever

People Magazine's cover, as it appeared on the newsstands:

People Magazine's cover, as it was intended to go out, before an 11th hour editorial staff decision:

Other headlines being considered included I'm Shocked --Shocked! -- To Find Any Gayness Going On In Lance Bass and Gee, Ya Think? and He Was The Last To Know.

Someone just sent me that, doesn't want his name used, doesn't want a hat tip.

So, eff it. I did it. That's right, I'm photoshopping now.

PS: I actually didn't know he was gay. I didn't really know anything about him, except he had some goofy idea to be an astronaut and once played a marionette.

But, all the hip, smart people are saying "Oh, of course he was gay," and I'd like to appear hip and smart, so-- "Oh, of course he was gay. I mean -- duhh. He wanted to be an astronaut, people, and we all know all the Apollo astronauts were stone-cold homos. Buzz Aldrin? Please. Gay as a pair of red ruby slippers."

Replay: Amish reminds me that any mention of Buzz Aldrin can and, whenever practicable, should be followed to a link of him punching a guy.

posted by Ace at 12:27 AM

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