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June 12, 2006

Thread jack! Corporate brainstorming at al-Qaeda International, the global leader in jihad

The death of the Mesopotamian district's head honcho, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, and the appointment of Abu Hamza al-Muhajer as his successor has taken the jihad industry by surprise! Fear of corporate downsizing and losing one's global dominance in the jihad industry has got industry insiders scrambling to make sense of the new AQI. Never fear, AQI is as relevant and as powerful as ever. With the global jihad trade show coming up in Las Vegas this summer, we must work together to ensure our industry partners and rivals are mutually impressed with AQI's products and award-winning service.

What are we to expect from the new AQI? [If you missed the beginning of the meeting, please read the minutes here.]

Put on your thinking caps, troops, and come up ideas for our new leader, Abu Hamza al-Muhajer, in this town-hall meeting of the minds!

Mikey NTH:

AQI will not be down-sizing, AQI will be rightsizing. We will take a proactive approach to all personnel issues in order to maintain momentum on the new strategy in the Mesopotamian district. Through rigorous internal interviews we will assess the skills that that our people have developed. AQI will use lateral transfers to get more personnel into the field and will offer certain select employees an "early out" program, allowing the increased hire of energized recruits from the top Madrassa Programs. In addition, there will be mandatory mentoring programs where employees will be encouraged to watch one another's backs to ensure competitors do not get past us and to ensure the delivery of a quality jihad product.

AQI's personnel benefits programs are a jewel in its crown with the finest afterlife benefits available anywhere.

With a combination of new practices and the current benefits AQI will continue to recruit the best in global jihad.

After-life care, mentoring programs, internal recruitment and skills assessments! Excellent!


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