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April 26, 2006

Sad But Funny Yahoo Personal Ad

I'm not going to link this woman's actual Yahoo personal ad, so as to not make life difficult for her. But trust me, it's real, I just copied and pasted from it.

Check out what she wants in a man:

I'm looking for a side-kick, a Sun-Dance, a man who can read my smile from across the room and know what I'm thinking. A best friend, really -- someone who'll try to make me giggle in somber places.

When I nap, he'll cover me with a soft blanket, and he'd break the sound barrier to get to me if I ever call him in distress.

We'd show all of our faces to each other, without fear, craving the magic that happens every time we're in each other's presence. Our conversations outlast any candle, our companionship a source of envy.

Together, we'd be like school children, team-mates, lab partners, lovers of mystery and exploration.

He'll love to be read to and will help me pick out wallpaper. He'll try very hard to remember the important days in my year and prefer unmarked paths to pavement, and a good hike over fame.

He'll be equally at home in a nature preserve, a nightclub, a dingy diner or a ballpark. My ideal man is one who roots out what doesn't belong in him and sees life in the details. He needs solitude from time to time and doesn't desire advantage over others. Wind does funny things to him and he'll know how to teach kindness.

Of course, he'll have "a past", but won't compare me or any other woman to the Ex that was left behind (or the one who broke his heart multiple times!)

He believes in creating miracles. He'll like to share thoughts, desserts, leaves. He strains for good words the way astronomers strain for new stars. He'll giggle intermittently and won't mind if I sometimes leave the dishes until morning. He'll have much to teach me; our chemistry will be palpable; and the good in him will see the good in me...

I think she forgot the most important attribute she wants in her man: a vagina.

She's very long-winded about what she wants in a man, isn't she? I think I can make some judicious cuts and edits to shorten up what she's really trying to say.

This is the short version of her personal ad:

I WANT TO DIE ALONE.

I think women have to reduce their expectations. Isn't it enough that we have the common courtesy to apologize for farting while we watch football?

Well, not apologize, really, but simply inform/warn, as in, "Ahhhhh... yeah, that's gonna leave a mark in the morning. You might want to take a few minutes to leave the room. Maybe make a sandwich for me while you're up."

Seriously, ladies, grow up. Stop looking for "love;" start looking for "benign indifference." You'll be happy you did.

Thanks to The Shadow.


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posted by Ace at 12:14 PM

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