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April 07, 2006

Joe Wilson Calls Political Enemies Homos

Which wouldn't be so bad, except he's calling people who frequently have gay-rumors floated about them gay. Good lefties are stridently anti-homophobia, unless it's in their political interests or they can get a cheap joke out of it:

You know when they first started trying to come up with a way to discredit me, which we now know started in March of 2003, they went through the old standbys. "He's had 3 wives, he's a womanizer, he's done drugs." But then they realized they couldn't use those because I've never actually denied them. I mean I'm the first to admit that, unlike Ken Mehlman and David Dreier, I really like women.

I don't know. They guy seems to like to share unnecessary details about his supposed heterosexual couplings. He told Vanity Fair about the really, really hot make-out session he had with his eventually-to-be-wife, SuperSpy Valerie Plame, when they first began dating.

Maybe he's covering up for something. Just sayin'.

Top Ten Things Alleged Heterosexual Joe Wilson Really, Really Likes About Women

10. The way they dress all enticing and provocatively, in a way you wish you had the courage to dress yourself

9. Those strange, pendulous orb-bags dangling from where their rock-hard marble-cut pectoral muscles ought to be

8. That way they arch their backs when they're all aroused, the way Joe Wilson has seen them do in Warrant videos

7. How they know that sometimes you just want to cuddle, unlike men, who always expect "it" (although, you know, God bless men for that, too!)

6. Women, like Joe Wilson, live by the creed "Shop till ya drop!"

5. That mysterious, erotic... thing they have going on "down there;" Joe Wilson just can't get enough of that... thing, whatever the the hell it is, or, for that matter, whatever the hell you're supposed to do with it. What's that... thing for, anyway?

4. They way they smell all sweet and feminine, an enticing mix of musk, weightlifting sweat, and Old Spice

3. Their gorgeously-shaped legs, resembling, in a less attractive way, the heavily muscled legs of male Holy Cross Lacrosse players

2. The way women crush you with their powerful arms and pull your head into their broad chests, bristling with downy-soft hair, and whisper into your ear, "Don't worry, Baby, Daddy's gonna take care of you tonight"

...and the Number One Thing Joe Wilson Really, Really Likes About Women...

1. Seriously, what the hell are you supposed to do with that... thing? It's kind of like a change-purse, but there's no clasp, and it simply won't accessorize with anything. You try matching shoes to... that

Update: "LL Cool Joe" (Lady Lover Cool Joe, that means) also says that William Kristol is a "drunk" and that Ann Coulter is a very "manly" woman.

Which means he really, really, really likes her.

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posted by Ace at 03:42 PM

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