« Chris Klein Won't Placate Katie Holmes | Main | Life Imitates Seinfeld: Maimed Military Man Has Toe Grafted To Become Thumb »
December 28, 2005

The Wit and Wisdom Of Saddam Hussein

He refers to himself as "Saddam Hussein" a lot. Don't let that throw you. These are his quotes, unless otherwise specified.

[To the judge:] Give me a chance... give me a chance... Give me a chance, don't cut me off. I'm not defending myself, I'm defending you. He gets to bring his files in, while Saddam Hussein must write on his hand what he wants to remember to say to the judges.

"Your honor, I want you to be like lances and swords confronting the enemies."

...

"I am not here to defend Saddam Hussein. As I've said before, Saddam Hussein is too great to be defended by Saddam Hussein himself."

...

"No, please. I am not a student in your school. Don't make me speak in a way that none of us want. He interrupted me and went on talking. You didn't silence him. He asked a question, and my answer is: 'Yes, I was beaten all over my body, and I bear the marks to this day. Yes, we were beaten. We were beaten by the Americans. We were tortured, each and every one of us. When that man gets up, he has to lean on the wall so he doesn't fall. He received rifle blows to the neck, until they crippled him. That one was crippled. Barzan was crippled. Abu Nadia – they even took the bones out of his legs.'"

Expect Andrew Sullivan to begin shrieking hysterically about our new practice of "taking the bones out of detainees' legs."

Watches and clothes are not important to Saddam Hussein, except to the extent they're very important indeed:

"Saddam Hussein – in the American democracy that has been put to shame here, in great Iraq – was not allowed to wear his watch. This is not my watch. The watch I had they stole. One of my daughters, whom they exiled, gave her father a watch as a present. That is the watch they prevented Saddam Hussein from wearing. I'm only saying this so you can make the comparison. They tore the robes I was wearing all the way down. This way, they believe, they are hurting Saddam Hussein, diminishing his personality. But Saddam Hussein's personality is not measured by his clothes. This is a mark of shame on them, but it only makes Saddam Hussein greater, not smaller...."

Saddam Hussein proves he's pretty cool:

Barzan Tikriti [His brother, I believe]: "Your honor, those lowlifes are laughing and cursing."

Saddam Hussein: "In any case... Barzan, let those monkeys laugh. A lion doesn't care if a monkey in a tree is laughing at him. Take it easy. Look at me, I don't care about this nonsense.

And you all thought Baghdad Bob was a little bombastic. He learned from a master.

I'll give Saddam Hussein one thing-- this cat does definitely not placate.


digg this
posted by Ace at 03:12 PM

| Access Comments




Recent Comments
rickb223 [/s][/b][/i][/u]: "I say that if the home country refuses to take dep ..."

browndog: "Behind left shoulder blade. Makes my whole left ar ..."

Bandersnatch, in touch with his toxic masculinity in his desire to oppress someone: "Perhaps some language geek bait... Anna Puma's ..."

Christopher R Taylor: "[i]I say that if the home country refuses to take ..."

Deplorable Jay Guevara [/i][/b][/s]: "[i]234 I would also recommend being as active as p ..."

flounder, rebel, vulgarian, deplorable, winner: "[i]217 Behind left shoulder blade. Makes my whole ..."

josephistan: "So if I wear drab colored sweaters, I'll meet a ho ..."

Piercello: "-delurks- For back pain, look into something ca ..."

Benji Carver : "I refuse to give liberal a-hole Mike Florio's webs ..."

Patrick From Ohio: "Diamond Dallas Page yoga? I remember seeing that v ..."

Pete Seria: "Had lower back pain for many years. Seems to coin ..."

Diogenes: "I got picked on once. Landed one good shot befo ..."

Recent Entries
Search


MuNuvians
Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
News/Chat
Archives
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64