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December 19, 2005

Top Ten Programs To Air on M. Chriac's New French World Broadcasting Network

10. Old episodes of Joanie Loves Chiachi, dubbed into French to make the characters issue pronouncements on the "crudity of Anglo-Saxon economics" and "puritanical American notions of sexual restraint"

9. Pretty much the same deal as 10, except with Hunter... international audiences love Hunter

8. Le Jackass, an outrageous "stunt show" featuring skateboard tricks, parkour urban acrobatics, and of course lots and lots of burning Puegots

7. Le Etiquette Noueau , all about changing social standards, which explores issues such as "tasteful public urination" and "discreet copulation with a Bulgarian whore in a jazz-cafe storage closet"

6. Who da Jew?, a game-show in which contestants attempt to judge the kosherness of "Neocon Uninateralist Cryptozionist Warmongers" (hosted by Amiri Baraka)

5. Monsiuer Crocodile, Please Eat Us Last, a panel show about French national security in which guests detail and provide maps for buildings outside of France which they believe would make "tasty" targets for terrorists

4. A late-night erotic program named Gerard Depardieu's World of Sensual Foot Massage

3. Bathing and Personal Hygiene: Seriously, What's the Big Deal?

2. A French remake of The A-Team, in which four French Foreign Legion veterans, accused of crimes they did not commit, aid oppressed people in need of mercenary assistance by blowing up cars, jerry-rigging cool war-machines out of disused tractors and grain-combines, and then surrendering and collaborating with the oppressors

...and the Number One Show on Chirac's French World Broadcasting Network...

1. Le Philosophie, which explores metaphysical questions such as "If Jerry Lewis exists, why does He allow evil in the world?"


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