Best High School Analogies Ever

They come from a document of unknown provenance titled "Worst High School Analogies Ever," but that's wrong. For one thing, they're brilliant -- they're ironic and clever. For another thing, I doubt very much any high schoolers wrote these. They're too damn smart.

Michelle has some of them; see her link for the rest.

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. -- Joseph Romm, Washington

Funny.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't. -- Russell Beland, Springfield

Brilliant... worthy of Douglas Adams. In fact, I'm 99% sure it's a direct ripoff of a Douglas Adams twisted metaphor.

And then the false metaphors, literal, accurate descriptions disguised as metaphor:

Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center. -- Russell Beland, Springfield

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree. -- Jack Bross, Chevy Chase

Good stuff. Mixed in are some dopey ones, but these are pretty good.

posted by Ace at 09:59 PM

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