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October 07, 2005

Top Ten Requirements For Employment With Al Qaeda

10. Must be eager to work with a dynamic group of diverse suicidal maniacs

9. Must be a "self-starter;" also, a "self-detonator"

8. Must be a "people person"

7. Absolutely no prima donnas! Whether it's fetching coffee or sawing off the head of a female schoolteacher, there are no "small tasks" at Al Qaeda, only "small workers"

6. Must have a good "phone voice"

5. Must be willing to relocate to Paradise on 24 hours notice

4. Qualified candidates should have 3-5 years experience with Excel, Java, Quicken, and rocket-propelled grenades

3. Special consideration will be given to any candidate who can fit a complete stinger missile system up his ass (we promise-- no giggling!)

2. Must not have already registered with Kelly Temps

...and the Number One Requirement for Employment With Al Qaeda...

1. Not a requirement but a perk: Every Friday is Hawaiian-Shirt-and-Crazy-Tie Day!!!

posted by Ace at 12:49 PM

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Must be eager to work with a dynamic group of diverse suicidal maniacs 9. Must be a "self-starter;" also, a "self-detonator" 8. Must be a "people person" 7. Absolutely no prima donnas! Whether it's fetching coffee or sawing off the head of a female schoolteacher, there are no "small tasks" at Al Qaeda, only "small workers" 6. Must have a good "phone voice" 5. Must be willing to relocate to Paradise on 24 hours notice 4. Qualified candidates should have 3-5 years experience with Excel, Java, Quicken, and rocket-propelled grenades 3. Special consideration will be given to any candidate who can fit a complete stinger missile system up his ass (we promise-- no giggling!) 2. Must not have already registered with Kelly Temps ...and the Number One Requirement for Employment With Al Qaeda... 1. Not a requirement but a perk: Every Friday is Hawaiian-Shirt-and-Crazy-Tie Day!!! posted by Ace at 12:49 PM \| Access Comments <script language="javascript" src="http://adserver.adtechus.com/addyn/3.0/5235/1131537/0/170/ADTECH;loc=700;cookie=info;target=_blank;key=key1+key2+key3+key4;grp=[group]"></script><noscript><a href="http://adserver.adtechus.com/adlink/3.0/5235/1131537/0/170/ADTECH;loc=300;key=key1+key2+key3+key4;grp=[group]" target="_blank"><img src="http://adserver.adtechus.com/adserv/3.0/5235/1131537/0/170/ADTECH;loc=300;key=key1+key2+key3+key4;grp=[group]" border="0" width="300" height="250"></a></noscript>	Recent Comments Islamic Rage Boy: "“In this race, I’m the only guy that hasn’t spent ..." lauren: "If 15/month is too much, go get an ovulation micro ..." steevy: "Boner pills absolutely should not be covered and t ..." Zhee Rah!!: "You might have to take some personal responsibilit ..." SFGoth: "I'm happy for any outraged Catholic who supported ..." 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