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Sex Wars, Continued | Main | Have You Ever Heard of... INTERNET?
January 18, 2005

Ace's Media-Rush Diva Moment

WHERE THE FUCK IS MY EVIAN??!!

WHO THE FUCK HIRED YOU?!! NOT ONLY ARE YOU FIRED, BUT THE INCOMPETENT MEDIOCRE-TALENT WHO HIRED YOU IS SHITCANNED, TOO!

AND WHO THE FUCK DO I HAVE TO SLEEP WITH TO GET SOME POWDER ON MY BALD SPOT?!!!

Yeah, I know there's no camera. Did you ever see the commercials on TV? I want to have that feeling of "confidence" that comes with a full, lush head of hair.

And didn't I fuckn' fire you already? No? You're someone else? Well, you're fired too. I specifically sent telepathic messages that I didn't want any civilians in my eyeline. And you just violated the three-second rule, pal.

Have a nice life. You'll never work in the high-paying glamorous world of blogging again, Chief.

My Psychological Actual State: Scared shitless.

I feel like I did in seventh grade when we were assigned to do verbal, before-the-class reports on the various systems of the human body, and after praying desperately for ten minutes "Not the reproductive system... not the reproductive system," damnit, I got assigned the goddamned human reproductive system.

There are two kinds of kids. The first kind would say, "Oooh, snap!, I'm gonna have some fun with that shit!"

The second kind of kid begins having full-body conniptions at the thought of having to say "testes" and "pundendum" in front of his peers.

And in front of hand-made charts and diagrams, which, of course, Mom would have to help out with.

I was the second kid.

I pleaded with my teacher to let me do another system. Eventually, he relented. I got to do the digestive system.

I deliberately spent far too long discussing how saliva digests starches in the mouth so that my allotted time ran out before I got anywhere near the duodenum or, worse yet, the rectum.

What happens to food once it passes the pyloric valve? Who knows. Not any of my business. And none of yours, either.

Life is a mystery. Poop especially so.

On Hold... And they've got me on tape-delay. And warned three times about the f-word.

Hah! I'm the bad-boy of blogging.

They Can't Hear Me... KZSU has three days to straighten this loose shit out.

See-Dubya-- Do you like your job?


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posted by Ace at 07:01 PM

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