Losers of Election 2004

John Edwards, John Kerry, Michael Moore, Bob Shrum, Dan Rather.

Sure.

But here are some losers that you may not have considered.

John McCain

Look. You either go full bore for the president or you man up and oppose him. What you cannot do is praise him with the look of a dude receiving a Shasta black cherry soda enema. Or campaign for him in Phoenix, only to tell Chris Matthews that same day that the Bush campaign itself is too mean. You'll still be extolled by the monolithic forces of Nora O'Donnell, Ron Reagan Jr., and Howard Fineman. But in a Republican primary, you're toast.

Wonkette

The bloggers got their network debut on election night, and this smarmy tart had a stilted set-up joke with a lousy punchline for each segment. None were funny. None. The Bush twins were funnier at the convention. David Arquette's ATT commercials were funnier. Much.

EJ Dionne

Strike one: he is a pedestrian writer. Strike two: he severed his own genitals and handed them to the Kerry campaign. Strike three: he still talks like Cindy Brady after she loses a tooth.

Susan Estrich

A complete, blithering, sputtering mental breakdown on the Ohio news, something about "you'll see" and word from her "friends" and Ohio being "still very much in play" and "we know who traded what for it." Whereupon, she rushed from the studio, shoved 6 Pall Malls in her mouth, and lit up.

Mary Cheney

The Kerry girls, the Bush girls, and the one with the sensible shoes.

posted by Ace at 10:30 AM

| Access Comments