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September 02, 2004

Top Ten Signs That Zell Miller is On Frickin' Fire

10. Just had his bicep tattooed with slogan, Beef: It's What's For Dinner

9. Has demanded an apology from Sting for his misleading and alarmist claims about the rainforests; also has demanded an apology for Dream of the Blue Turtles and Dune

8. Bob Dole, previously believed to be on fire, has stopped referring to his cock in the third person, and now refers to Zell Miller's cock in the third person, as in "Bob Dole says you can trust Zell Miller's cock" and "Bob Dole promises that Zell Miller's cock will cut your taxes"

7. Has finally confronted the historic pattern of Democratic appeasement and weakness by challenging this pattern to a duel

6. After his confrontational interview, he put Chris Matthews in a pink party-dress and then rode him like a Big Wheel; not in a gay way, mind you, but rather like a Viking

5. Just signed contract to take on The Undertaker and Mick Foley under new WWF guise of "Senator Smackdown"

4. Six Words: The Delicious Tears of Paul Begala

3. His limousine suspiciously resembles the "Delta Death Machine" from Animal House, except the styling isn't as subtle

2. Old Zell Miller nickname: "The Conscience of the Democratic Party"
New Zell Miller style nickname: "Z Diddy"

…and the Number One Sign that Zell Miller is on Frickin' Fire…

1. The Navy just awarded John Kerry his first legitimate Purple Heart

Credit That's Overdue: The "like a Viking" line, which I've used before, is actually stolen from Son of Nixon, who's also (of course) got some thoughts about Senator Zell Miller.

I told him to name his blog "Like a Viking." He didn't, so now it's just out there for the stealing.

Update: Frank Luntz's Cincinnati, Ohio focus group of independent-minded, politically-moderate, persuadable undecideds -- morons, in other words -- were more inclined to vote for Bush after the one-two Miller-Cheney combination.

Good. We'll take morons.

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posted by Ace at 03:49 PM

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