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August 10, 2004

Dear Teenwire: How Do I Make Sure My Monkey is Sufficiently Aroused for Sex?

Michele is very annoyed by the pro-sex teen-porn Planned Parenthood is selling to children.

She notes something that I've long been angered about -- or at least I've been angered about it since I've been an adult:

Here, go look at this advice page. I'll wait.

Are you as appalled as I am? I hope so. Or am I just a prude or hopelessly naive when it comes to teens and sex? There are words on that page I never even heard of until I was in my 20's. Kids are doing things I haven't attempted myself. Anal sex? They are giving advice on anal sex to teenagers?

I don't buy into the "oh, they're going to do it anyhow, so let's just educate them properly about it" attitude. Maybe they are going to do it (it obviously including every kind of sex imaginable) but my daughter is not. Sure, sex can be wonderful and pleasurable and beautiful. But not when you're 14 and you don't fully understand the emotional consequences of giving it up at such an early age. How many 14 year old girls are going to remain with the guy they are with now? Does anyone tell these girls that 10 years from now they are going to most likely regret all of their sexual escapades? 14 year old girls go through guys faster than Jennifer Lopez. Are we supposed to believe that it is healthy for these girls to go down on every guy they date? I'm sorry, but a girl at this age is not capable of having a deep, meaningful, mutually respectful, healthy relationship that could withstand the emotions that come with intimately sharing your body with someone.

The liberal manner of discussing sex with children (have I mentioned these were children?) is to tirelessly promote it under the guise of "just being honest."

But they're not being honest. Here's honest advice about sex to a girl:

They guy you think you're in love with? You're not, and you'll break up within six months to a year. Most likely one or the other of you will cheat. If either of you go to college, forget about it.

You know all that stuff about sex being safe if you're "careful" about it and you "communicate your fears and desires with your partner"? That's bullshit. You're not careful about sex (no teenager is terribly careful) and you'll be pregnant within a year if you keep having sex. Every time you have sex you have about a 10% chance of getting knocked up (nearly 100% if your boyfriend "forgets" to pull out) and there's almost no way to avoid getting pregnant with those odds.

And your boyfriend doesn't want you "communicate your fears and desires." He just wants to have sex, preferrably without a condom, and he doesn't much care about what your "fears and desires" on that score might be. When he knocks you up, the best you can hope for is half-payment for your abortion.

You might not think an abortion is a big deal, but you almost certainly will once you have one. Sex won't seem like such innocent fun at that point, and you'll probably either recoil from having sex or demand that your boyfriend wear a condom each and every time from that point on. He won't like either of those, and within a few months he'll break up with you in order to have sex with someone more willing to have unprotected sex.

By the way: Did I mention that you're not really in love? That "special" feeling you're feeling is actually not special at all; you'll feel that "special" feeling hundreds of times in your life. It lasts about a month and half, before which either you or more likely your boyfriend will get that "special" feeling about someone else entirely.

The kid you're going to get pregnant with, on the other hand, will last about 70-75 years.

PS: You also run a smaller chance of contracting an STD.

Have fun!

Now, that's the straight truth about teenaged sex. When I was a teenage male myself, I didn't want girls thinking about any of that; I just wanted to get laid.

But the above is, of course, the truth, and all adults know it. And we all know it because we've all lived through it, or at least much of it. What we haven't lived through ourselves, we've heard about from friends.

Which makes it seem odd to me that adults at Planned Parenthood are selling teenaged sex as something it isn't.

If they want to tell "the truth about sex" -- why not state all of the above?

They're only interested in "the truth about sex" to the extent that "truth" makes sex seem fun, safe, and benign.

Liberals remain in a state of arrested development, in which they are always "rebellious" (read: slavisly trendy) teenagers. They have some deep need to seem "cool" or "with it," which is, frankly, something most people also need, but the terms by which they evaluate their "with-it-ness" remain more or less the same terms employed by a 16-year-old.

No teenager wants to sound "uncool" by knocking sex or by urging caution about it, which is understandable-- they're teenagers. Idiots, in other words.

But what precisely is the excuse for an adult liberal? How many young girls have to get knocked up due to your terrible, reckless advice, just because you have a borderline-pathological need to not seem "unhip" to a child?


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posted by Ace at 12:33 PM

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