For Evil-Twin Garth Doug | Main | Consumer Confidence at Two-Year High
July 27, 2004

My Editorial Commentary on Andrew Sullivan's Pro-Kerry Burblings

(Note: This whole deal is a bravura comedic synthesis of the latest Andrew Sullivan and Ann Coulter posts. (At least my Mom says so.) If you read this before you read them, YOU WON'T GET IT.)


MASTER-STROKE: I've been writing for months now that Kerry's most effective message would be that he'd conduct the war on terror with more allies and more wisdom than Bush. But I never actually believed he'd be canny enough to do exactly that. But he has!

I DON'T GET IT.

I had a catch in my throat as "Amazing Grace" struck up, and another as I absorbed the fact that a Muslim-American and a Jewish-American had just joined in tribute to the murdered.

ARE YOU BEING SARCASTIC? IF SO, YOU REALLY LOST ME.

Rhetorically, at least, they were saying: this is our war too. But we can pursue it more wisely and effectively than the well-meaning hothead now in office. And there was a subtler message as well. Remember when we were one as a nation? Do you really think that president Bush is capable of bringing any of us together again?

NOT FUNNY. IF THERE'S A JOKE HERE, YOU'LL HAVE TO DO A BETTER JOB OF SETTING IT UP. HAVE YOU CONSIDERED KNOCK-KNOCK FORMAT?

SUCH AS:

KNOCK-KNOCK.

--WHO'S THERE?

WE CAN PURSUE THIS WAR MORE WISELY THAN THE HOT-HEAD CURRENTLY IN THE OVAL OFFICE, THAT'S WHO.

SEE? THE PUNCHLINE IS BETTER TELEGRAPHED. IT'S GOT "SNAP."


Jimmy Carter's speech was one of the best I've ever heard from him; and the genius of it was that Carter went against type. He re-introduced himself as a navy veteran...

I DON'T GET ALL THIS PRAISE OF JIMMY CARTER. YOU OBVIOUSLY MEAN THIS IRONICALLY, BUT THE JOKE IS TOO SUBTLE AND FALLS FLAT.

I FEEL LIKE I'VE WALKED IN HALFWAY THROUGH A SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE SKETCH WITH A PARTICULARLY CONVOLUTED PREMISE.

Kerry showed up. Kerry is as tough as Bush - but with "judgment and maturity." And in case you didn't get the message: "The biggest reason to make John Kerry president is even more important. It is to safeguard the security of our nation."

NOT FUNNY. I DON'T GET IT. ARE YOU CONFUSING JOHN KERRY WITH SOMEONE ELSE?

I FIND THAT MOST FUNNY JOKES INVOLVE EITHER 1) BEARS OR 2) VAGINAS. TRY WORKING IN A BEAR OR A VAGINA ANGLE. MAYBE BOTH, IF YOU'RE FEELING AMBITIOUS.

CLINTON AT HIS BEST: Carter's was the better speech, but Clinton was magnificent.

GOOD SET-UP, BUT WHERE'S THE PUNCHLINE?

REMEMBER, BEARS AND VAGINAS. I THINK THE VAGINA IS THE OBVIOUS GO-TO JOKE FOR CLINTON, BUT MAYBE IT'S A LITTLE TO "ON THE NOSE."

IN SUMMARY:

GOOD EFFORT, BUT NEEDS WORK. KEEP TRYING WITH THE WHOLE "HUMOR" THING, ANDY.

-- YOUR EDITOR,

ACE OF SPADES

P.S. VAGINAS ARE WHERE BABIES COME FROM.


digg this
posted by Ace at 03:27 AM

| Access Comments




Recent Comments
FenelonSpoke: "And another adorable doggy photo: http://tinyur ..."

Bruce: "And the government should handle the money because ..."

Duncanthrax: "[i]I think the performance of the country, given h ..."

FenelonSpoke: "And for the cat people-a kitten who loves to swim ..."

Mr. Peebles: "[i]Who knew that you can willingly give your money ..."

Bruce: "Now this is an NFL Player I can admire: http:/ ..."

Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing: "[I]Reagan went to a school I never heard of.[/I] ..."

FenelonSpoke: "Now this is an NFL Player I can admire: http:// ..."

Bruce: "Stray dog crashes a wedding and finds his own happ ..."

ScoggDog: "[i]We've been on a path to the middle class disapp ..."

fluffy: "Pennsylvania and 'Jersey morons: ..ENHANCED TH ..."

FenelonSpoke: "Stray dog crashes a wedding and finds his own happ ..."

Recent Entries
Search


MuNuvians
Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
News/Chat
Archives
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64