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June 30, 2004

An Open Letter to Oliver Willis

Dear Mr. Willis, Retard, Esq.,

Bite me.

Your Faithful Servant,


PS: I'm tired of the He Who Shall Not Be Named schtick. I'm not Voldemort and you're not Harry Potter. Are ya tryin' to deny me traffic, Odub? My traffic's higher than yours now, so you can knock it off with that nonsense.

PPS: And you should be grateful to me besides. You haven't done another one of those lame Britney Spears "fake news articles" since I humilitated you over the last one. Someone needed to tell you they weren't funny, and that task, sadly, fell to me, the internet's self-appointed one-man arbiter of not-funny.

I still haven't received a proper "Thank you" for my troubles, you ingrate.

PPPS: And I'm quite willing to end the juvenile taunting and debate your positions, the moment you actually figure out what your positions might be. Your only position seems to be that whatever Bush does is wrong, even if claiming that contradicts something you claimed just a week before. We can move past the nyaah, nyaah stage once you clearly explicate the "Willis Plan" for Iraq.

PPPPS: In fairness, I suppose I should allow that you are in an unenviable position, as you are requred to defend "Kerry's Plan," but as of yet Kerry has not told you what his plan might be.

You thus are required to defend a plan which has not yet been explained, and you don't know, yet, what plan it is you're supposed to be claiming is The Wonderfully Perfect Plan for Iraq Which Should Have Been Obvious to Anyone Who Thought Carefully About the Situation for Five Minutes But Too Bad That Bush Didn't Because He's So Damn Dumb.

Perhaps, when someone in the media actually bothers to pin Kerry down on his specific position on the War on Iraq and his specific plan for improving security there, you will then be in a better position to proclaim "Here is what I've been for all along, even though I didn't realize it before."

When that happy day arrives, I trust we will share further illuminating correspondence.

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posted by Ace at 06:29 PM

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