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June 30, 2004

Top Al Qaeda "Spiritual Guide" Shot Dead Like a Dog in Saudi Arabia

Reuters always has a funny way of putting things, doesn't it?:

Saudi police killed a top spiritual guide for the Saudi wing of Osama bin Laden's al Qaeda network during a shootout in Riyadh on Wednesday, security sources said.

They named the slain militant as Abdullah al-Roshood, on a list of 26 most wanted suspects, and said his death was a hefty blow to the ideological hierarchy of al Qaeda in the world's biggest oil exporter.

...

"A police search of the militant's den showed that it was a factory for explosives," it added.

This "spiritual guide" had a bomb factory? What a shock.

Top Ten Other Items Discovered in Al Qaeda "Spiritual Guide's" Hideout

10. Explosive crystal unicorns

9. Cyanide-filled dominoes

8. One (1) special Magic: The Gathering deck with unique card, Osama bin Ladin: Half-Elf Ranger Lord

7. Three "organic" crystal balls which look suspiciously like severed human heads

6. Special tarot cards featuring grotesque anti-semitic caricatures, such as "Schlomo, The Hook-Nosed Rag Merchant"

5. A ouija board containing only two sections, "Kill Infidel Crusaders" and "Kill Jewish Pig-Monkeys"

4. A lockbox labeled Secret Scrolls of Righteousness -- For the Spiritual Guide Only, containing 40 back-issues of Oui and Juggs magazines

3. One cancelled membership card for the Uri Geller fan club

2. Four yoga mats upon which are written inspirational or humorous jihadist messages, such as "Suicide Bombers Do It With Their Belts On" and "Today is the Last Day of the Rest of Your Life"

... and the Number One Item Discovered in the Al Qaeda "Spiritual Guide's" Hideout...

1. One reviewer's copy of Fahrenheit 911; cover signed, "Keep the faith -- Mike"


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posted by Ace at 04:49 PM

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