Saturday Night Club ONT - April 4, 2026 [D Squared]

Welcome to Club ONT - a collaboration of The Disco and The Dino. Come in in, grab a drink or 3. Please don't search for Easter Eggs until after Midnight. If you find the one with the "Lifetime Restroom Token" coupon, please see a staff member.

Saturday Night Jokes and Other Funnies

Three guys died and ended up standing at the pearly gates in front of Saint Peter, who told them, "We're going to have a simple quiz just to make sure you’re ready for Heaven."

He looked at one of the men and said, "What is Easter?"

The first guy said, "Oh,that's easy. It's when the family gets together to have turkey and mashed potatoes and..."

"No, no," said, Saint Peter, cutting him off. "That's Thanksgiving! Okay, who's next?"

The next man said, "Very simple. It's when you get a tree and presents for everyone and ..."

"No, no, no! That's Christmas," said Saint Peter. "Ok, last person give it a try."

The third guy said, "Well, Easter is when Christ was crucified, his body was placed in a cave, and they rolled this HUGE boulder in front of it, and..."

"Hey," Saint Peter yelled at the first two. "Listen up - you might learn something!"

"So," the third guy continued, "then 3 days later they rolled that huge rock away from the cave, and if Jesus comes out and sees his shadow we’ve got three more weeks of winter."

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While admiring some dinosaur bones in the Museum of Natural History, a tourist asks the guard, "How old are they?"

The guard replies, "They are 73 million, four years, and six months old."

"That's a rather exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?"

"Well," answers the guard, "The dinosaur bones were seventy-three million years old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago."

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Drink of the Night

In honor of the Easter Bunny, try a Carrot Margarita!

Ingredients 1 1/2 oz. blanco tequila 1 oz. carrot juice 3/4 oz. light amber agave 1/2 oz. Amaro Nonino 1/2 oz. fresh lime juice 1/2 tsp. cayenne pepper Ice 1 carrot, halved lengthwise, plus 5 carrot tops

Directions
Step 1 - In a cocktail shaker, combine tequila, carrot juice, agave, amaro, lime juice, and cayenne. Fill shaker with ice, cover, and vigorously shake until outside of shaker is very frosty, about 20 seconds.
Step 2 - Strain into a pebble ice-filled Collins glass. Garnish with carrot and carrot tops.

Club ONT Department of Sad News

The Sydney Skinny is facing an uncertain future.

This year, organisers of the famous naked swim known as The Sydney Skinny say the beloved event will not go ahead. It's due to the escalating costs of permits and insurances that come with a giant skinny dip.

The annual charity swim at Cobblers Beach in Middle Head has become a bucket-list experience for thousands of enthusiasts willing to step outside their comfort zone, all for a good cause.

Founded in 2013 by well-known author and speaker Nigel Marsh, The Sydney Skinny quickly gained international attention.

On previous years, participants gathered at secluded Cobblers Beach, a legally designated nudist beach within Sydney Harbour National Park, where they stripped down for the swim itself before being wrapped in the event's iconic sarongs on exit. The event was deliberately untimed and inclusive, with swimmers choosing either a 300-metre or 900-metre course.

Over the past two years, proceeds have been donated to the Charlie Teo Foundation, supporting vital brain cancer research.

Despite its popularity, organisers say rising costs and a growing list of permits, including National Parks, Harbour Trust, Maritime authorities and multiple insurances, have made it untenable.

What kind of a world do we live in when costs for permits and insurance make it too expensive to swim naked?

Club ONT Department of Potty Precision

This is either a standard Japanese toilet or the toilet on the Artemis rocket:

Club ONT Department of Musical History

The Lemmy-Ozzy connection

Ozzy and Zakk Wylde developed the tune on piano first and then moved it to guitar. They had music, but no lyrics.

Sharon Osbourne called Lemmy shortly after he moved to the U.S. and offered him "X amount of money" (his words) to write songs for Ozzy's No More Tears album. He accepted immediately.

"I wrote six or seven sets of words, and Ozzy ended up using four of them: 'Desire,' 'I Don't Want To Change The World,' "Hellraiser' and 'Mama, I'm Coming Home'." Unsurprisingly, these tracks make up the high points of Osbourne’s album, and that was reflected in sales.

"I made more money with those four songs for Ozzy than in 15 years with Motörhead,” he said before adding: "How absurd!"

Club ONT Department of Decisions

The Club ONT Jukebox

Hoppin' good tunes!

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Club ONT is brought to you tonight by the hip hopper

Please ensure you have all of your belongings. Club ONT is not responsible for any bonnets left behind tonight. Unwanted candy can be left for the staff. No circus peanuts, please.

posted by Open Blogger at 10:00 PM

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