Saturday Night "Club ONT" April 12, 2025 [The 3 D's]

Welcome to Club ONT! A collaboration of your Sunday through Wednesday ONT Crew - The Disco, The Doggo, and The Dino. The Club welcomes hackers, is open to the pros, and best relates to those that want to enjoy the libations in the clubhouse. It's Masters weekend at Augusta National. Let's find the beverage cart and throw on the most ridiculous pair of golf pants (or knickers) - before Judge Smails shows up.

Saturday Night Joke

Jesus and Moses were playing golf one day when they arrived at a tough, 215-yard par three, all over water. With the honour, Jesus stepped up to the tee with a 4 iron. "That's not enough club; you need at least a 4 wood," Moses said.

Jesus responded, "No, I saw Arnold Palmer play this hole the other day and he put a 4 iron five feet from the pin and sank the putt for a birdie." Moses said, "I'm telling you, that's not enough club!"

Striking his shot, Jesus put his ball into the water. He parted the water, walked out and got the ball and teed up again. Moses said, "I told you that was not enough club; you need at least a 4 wood."

"This will be fine - remember what I said about Arnold Palmer." Jesus said. As he struck his ball, it yet again went into the water. As Moses looked on in disgust, Jesus got his ball and teed it up for yet another try.

As he was about to hit shot for the third time, a foursome was approaching the tee with one of the golfers shouting, "What's he doing hitting a 4 iron on this hole? He needs at least a 4 wood. Who does he think he is, JESUS CHRIST?"

"No," replied Moses, "He thinks he's Arnold Palmer!"

Judge Smails, you say? Well, he's here with a warning message for all Club ONT patrons

Club worthy caddie logic

"That's what we call a ripped pajamas putt... one ball out."

After the player hits a driver that goes straight for 200 yards, but then peels off into a bunker, the caddie says, "That's a 'mother-in-law shot' - it sure looked good leaving!"

Player: "Right edge?:
Caddie: "I'm not sure. I don't read putts for triple bogey."

Drink of the Night

Azalia (unofficial drink of the Masters)

2 oz good vodka (or gin if you are the type of rebel that opens a milk carton on the wrong side)

2 oz pineapple juice

1 oz lemon juice (not lemonade)

All ingredients above and a spoonful of grenadine into a cocktail shaker filled with ice.

Shake thoroughly, pour through a strainer into a glass filled about halfway with ice.

Garnish with lemon slice and a cherry. Do not use azalea leaves - they are toxic. Not quite water hemlock bad, but adjacent.

Sound up.

Wholesome Club ONT link They never outgrow it.

Bobby Knight, being Bobby Knight. Not wholesome.

Tickets to the Masters are spendy. Food and beverage? Those prices are perfect for the Club ONT pocket books.

Alcoholic beverages are priced at $6, allowing fans to enjoy domestic beer, imported beer or white wine without breaking the bank. A special drink named Crow's Nest, after the famous living quarters on the course, is also available for the same price.

And if you're after something more substantial, sandwiches are on offer at a steal. For $3, you can tuck into chicken salad, a Masters club sandwich or ham and cheese. Egg salad or pimento cheese sandwiches are even cheaper, costing half that price.

Club ONT music

Here's an hour of Master's Theme Music on repeat with a visual tour of scenes from around the course:

If that's too gentle, here's something with a little more swagger:

Club ONT approved apparel:

Courtesy of Sponge, a moron-approved golf ball

Are you playing it as it lies? 🐊🏌️‍♂️

pic.twitter.com/qaBgtq0l91

— NUCLR GOLF (@NUCLRGOLF) April 2, 2025

Is that the Lamar, limp wristed throwing style?

⛳️ ⚾️ Thoughts on this rule? #OpeningDay 

pic.twitter.com/pTgs3rS2Q2

— NUCLR GOLF (@NUCLRGOLF) March 27, 2025

Top 10ish comments of the week. Or thereabout...

Before we close, check out this deleted scene from Caddyshack

And we'd be remiss if we didn't include at least one clip from this great golf movie

Club ONT brought to you by making better choices. Both on and off the golf course.

Club ONT open to members and guests of members. Beware that it is also serves as 19th hole for some among the Horde which is really scary if you know about their golf games. Club ONT is an active venue and players have skills that are... variable. Watch for flying objects or wayward carts. Be courteous of those behind you if they're moving more quickly. Do not taunt the groundskeepers. If you lose your balls or did not bring your own, check with the attendant for a dose of liquid courage.

posted by Open Blogger at 10:00 PM

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