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Food Thread: Melted Patties And RedHots In Our Booze!

That was the height of culinary accomplishment and joy back when I was a callow youth, scrounging for nickels to head to Friendly's for a "Patty Melt!"

But I lost touch with my roots, and moved on to the new brazen hussies of the hamburger world...smashburgers and gourmet beef grinds and brioche buns and burgers topped with pork belly and...

Yet there is something undeniably delicious about a simple Patty Melt. The crunch of the grilled bread, the meltiness of the American cheese, and the sweet tang of the sauteed onions conspire for a primal and satisfying meal.

And it isn't as easy as it looks! That bread needs to be crisp from the grill but fried in butter, and just one side. The other side needs to be able to soak up the burger juice! The onions can't be over-caramelized or the sandwich will be unbalanced. And most important...the burger can't be too thick!

Rye Bread is classic, though I have dreams of a Patty Melt made with my homemade sourdough. And I have vague memories of having one with plain old white bread, which probably had a kick of some extra seasoning. That's the perfection of the rye bread...it comes preseasoned.

Sure...Patty Melts are slumming in comparison to the current burger fashion, but isn't retro cool? Maybe I'll buy some vanilla syrup and make an Egg Cream to go along with my patty Melt!

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Let's talk about flavored booze. As much as I want to laugh at you deluded souls who think that bourbon laced with RedHots is the pinnacle of the distillers' art, it is only a single step away from what distillers and winemakers and brewers have been doing forever. New oak barrels have all sorts of flavors in them, and used barrels have even more! Beer makers use all sorts of flavorings like hops and fruit and other weird stuff, and while I am no fan of those beers, they certainly have a large following.

But adding flavors at the end of the process seems to be merely a marketing move rather than a natural evolution of the liquor.

Am I shoveling sh*t against the tide here?

Probably.

Definitely.

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Garlic bread is delicious when made well. The crap from the freezer case is mildly nauseating, and I avoid it like the plague, but good homemade stuff with tons of butter (or olive oil) and even more gently roasted garlic on some good bread is a thing of beauty. And it is savory...or it used to be until this maniac got a hold of it.

Showstopping Sweet-and-Savory Garlic Bread Rolls

The rolls sound great, and yet I am profoundly troubled by the addition of a sweet component to what has always been a savory food. And there isn't even that much garlic, which makes me even more suspicious of this guy. Is he a vampire, afraid of garlic?

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'Can I Have Some Steak Sauce Please?' Says Wittle Bitty Man Baby Who Needs A Wittle Sauce On His Steak Waaaah

Yes. 100% yes. Steak sauce does not belong on steak, and no amount of argument will sway me and the other real men and women who know how to eat steak.

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Sigh...Ree Drumond is getting too big for her rather ample britches, but this really does sound good!

Ree Drummond's Pickle Chicken Bites

And easy, if you don't mind the cleanup after frying.

My local market has "chicken tenders" on sale this week. They are just the strip of muscle on one side of the whole chicken breast, and they are a good size for frying whole. But cut into chunks will work too.

I'm tempted to give this a try.

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Gun Thread author and budding gourmet chef "Weasel" seems to be muscling in on my territory! he sent this along as just one example of his patented Two-minute Cookery.

Damn! Moroccan Chicken on a bed of some sort of rice pilaf with ground...lamb? Whatever it is, the dish looks great!

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Flap Meat...whatever the hell that is...just send it, Broccolini that isn't $6/bunch, garlic...lots of garlic! (and basil! My basil did not do well this year!), well-marbled hanger steaks and elk chops to: cbd dot aoshq at gmail dot com.

And don't think that the rest of you are off the hook with maple syrup and French Toast: so why don't you put maple syrup on your steaks and chops and chicken?

But the real culprits are those poor deluded souls who shake their Manhattans. These are are the same people who drink fine bourbon with coke, and probably shake red wine with ice too.

However, I will give dispensation to those who use maple syrup on Brussels Sprouts! I tried that last week and it worked nicely. I still prefer Agave, but still...

And yes, I used to demand fancy bourbon, but let's face it, $1,200 for a bottle of bourbon is just stupid, insulting, and a ghastly affront to most people's palates and wallets. I think the sweet spot is $40-$60 for excellent and interesting bottles, and bumping that to $100 gets you an incremental improvement in quality, but nothing mind-blowing. More than that and I think you are paying for hype and rarity, which may look good in your liquor cabinet, but doesn't translate to more quality in the bottle.