60 Minutes Hit By Sex Scandal Allegations, Because This Week Just Wasn't Disgusting Enough Already

You may remember -- or you may have suppressed memories of -- 60 Minutes having to shell out $5 million to pay off a sexual assault victim of the show's creator.

Not sexual harassment, sexual assault.

An internal investigation of CBS, according to a bombshell report Wednesday, has turned up more allegations of sexual assault from decades ago, as well as a payoff of more than $5 million to the alleged victim of a venerable journalist who died in 2009.

According to The New York Times, a former CBS employee said that "60 Minutes" executive producer Don Hewitt, who created the program in 1968 and produced it for 36 years, sexually assaulted her multiple times and destroyed her career. CBS has paid her for more than 20 years to keep her silent -- including as recently as this year, the report said. The settlement, reached in the 1990s, has grown to more than $5 million.

CBS didn't return Fox News' email requests for comment.

And $5 million is a lot more than a nuisance payment.

Also, Steve Kroft got caught cheating on his wife by swilling champage out of his lover's butt.

Kroft was getting his kink on with the aid of Viagra and racy text messages -- including one in which he told his lover he "would rather be eating your pudding," according to a new report from the National Enquirer, which hits newsstands Wednesday.

The married CBS newsman -- who once famously confronted Bill Clinton over the then-Arkansas governor's rumored womanizing -- convinced Harvard-educated Lisan Goines that he was trapped in a sexless marriage with his wife, author and fellow journalist Jennet Conant, the Enquirer reports.

The pair then launched into a three-year affair -- the details of which would never get past the censors on Kroft's own award-winning show. In one sexting session, Kroft allegedly cooed to Goines, "Miss you and all that goes with it. Especially my favorite tastes and colors ... pink and brown."

What a sexy, seductive rap this guy has.

...

At one point, the hard-working TV journalist, who has a son with Conant, lamented his long hours on the job, the report said.

"Working late. Just ordered out. Would rather be eating your pudding," he allegedly wrote.

That's a panty-dropper right there.

And now, just as you're thinking "60 Minutes could not possibly become more gross," this story pops up and makes you wonder if maybe you shouldn't chop your genitals off and take hormones to destroy your sex drive.

>A bombshell lawsuit claims that CBS' "60 Minutes" has long been a cesspool of sex harassment -- including allegations that star correspondent Lesley Stahl once asked a female job applicant whether she would be willing to "use her body to secure stories."

Alexandra Poolos, who worked as a producer for more than 10 years at the prestigious TV news program before she was fired in February of last year, filed suit against CBS and its corporate parent Paramount in Manhattan federal court on Tuesday alleging rampant "misogyny" at The Tiffany Network.

Among her explosive claims: In 2011, Poolos was interviewed for a job at "60 Minutes" by Stahl, who allegedly inquired as to whether she would be willing to "use her body to secure stories," according to the lawsuit.

The suit didn't elaborate on the allegation.

"Poolos has never heard a [60 Minutes] Correspondent suggest that a man use his body to get a story," the lawsuit stated.

A CBS spokesperson said, "We are not commenting on pending litigation."

So, to for the Visual Learners out there, we have this Five-Alarm Fire:

...hitting on this Absolute Smokeshow:

I mean... I'm not sure what stories she could score with her body. Maybe some Hot Goss about one McDonald's dumpster rat cheating on another rat.

For those of you wondering "What race is that?" The race is "Goon." She is Goonish. She is a Goonish American Princess.

Well, she's mostly Goonish. She is three-quarters Goon and one-quarter Mope.

posted by Disinformation Expert Ace at 05:30 PM

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