America's Birthday Cafe

Preikestolen, Lysefjord, Norway

This will horrify Duncanthrax.

He'll get there.

Swiss farm.

Rain in Switzerland. It still looks good.

A vigorous rubbing of a marmot's nose. Very hot, very sexiful.

Baby rhino loves being brushed. Super sexy.

Do you like my baby beaver? Very hot.

Beautiful sheep. You want buy sheep? I sell sheep for nine drachmas.

Monkey put sexy feet in water, very energetic, very moist.

Lucky dog has a harem situation. Do you like kittens? I sell you best kitten.

Elephant MILF and barely-legal elephant daughter. Very nice, very clean.

11 years ago the fireworks display for San Diego's Fourth of July fireworks show were accidentally all set off at once.

How to protect your dog against trauma from fireworks.

The Babylon Bee:

Dad Unsure Why He Should Take Family To Free Fireworks Extravaganza When He Can Do Five-Minute Show In Driveway For $800

SPRINGFIELD, MA -- Local father of three Drake Burlingham is reportedly unsure if he should take his children to the free fireworks show at nearby Blunt Park since he can put on his own show in the driveway for the low price of $800.

"It'll be great, kids!" Burlingham explained to his children as his wife looked on in concern. "Sure, it'll be a shorter show, but it'll be more chaotic and unpredictable just as the founding fathers probably intended!"

"You don't want to anger George Washington's ghost, do you?"

The Burlingham children were ecstatic about the possibilities. Their mother, however, expressed skepticism. "Someone's gonna get hurt!" said Sally Burlingham. "And now I can't afford groceries for the next three weeks!"

"I promise, you'll remember this forever," said Burlingham. "It'll be the best five minutes of your life!"

At publishing time, the show had lasted only 34 seconds and had landed Drake Burlingham in the ER for severe burns.

And here's that firework show:

Gavin Newsom banned fireworks shows in 2020, because people might spread covid standing ten feet apart from each other outdoors. Note that he gave the greenlight to BLM riots, of course.

During the covid lockdowns, people in Los Angeles protested by setting off illegal fireworks. Now that's America.

Amazingly, Jeff Bezos' leftwing corporate newsletter the Washington Post complained that fireworks contribute to... wait for it... Climate Change.

Climate reporters for the Washington Post lectured how fireworks from 4th of July celebrations will exacerbate air pollution caused by recent wildfires.

As millions of Americans prepare to celebrate the nation's founding with a traditional fireworks display, climate reporters Kasha Patel and Kate Selig warned that these displays spread harmful pollutants. The piece went as far as to refer to the holiday as "the most polluted day of the year."

"It may come as a surprise, but the federal holiday stands out as the most polluted day of the year in many locations across the nation, according to air quality data. Fireworks -- the staple of Independence Day celebrations -- light up the sky but also launch harmful pollutants. In some cases, the pollution levels from the pyrotechnics are similar to severe wildfire smoke," the article read.

The piece compared the level of smoke and air pollution to recent Canadian wildfires that caused thick and hazy smoke to spread throughout the East Coast of the United States.

...

California nonprofit Coalition for Clean Air policy director Bill Magavern argued that this event suggests there should be a shift in how Americans celebrate July 4th.

"At a time when climate change is exacerbating air pollution and wildfires, we need to find cleaner substitutes for fireworks, especially in areas with poor air quality," Magavern said.

Meanwhile, many towns and cities are replacing fireworks shows with drone shows, because they hate life and hate children even more.

We still should celebrate the "joy" of anonymous gay f***pile orgies during a monkeypox epidemic though, right?

posted by Lamont the Big Dummy at 07:22 PM

| Access Comments