« First-World Problems... | Main | Gun Thread: Labor Day Weekend Edition! »

Food Thread: AI Or Too Much Chocolate...You Choose The Form Of The Destroyer!

[That's called "Chocolate Overload Cake]

Okay folks...I am at a big family event and can't hang around and play and make sure that everyone is playing nice.

But...there is a new add-on to the blog; an AI function that will read every comment and check every link. It will cross-reference every previous comment by the possible offender and make a decision whether to ignore, warn, chastise or ban...all in a matter of microseconds. And ofcpurse your social credit score will be adjusted accordingly. Our testing last week resulted in the banning of every single coblogger at least once, and Ace was banned four times (although he self-banned twice). So please be aware that our silicon overlords are now in complete control!

[This may or may not be true, but have fun regardless! CBD]

Yeah...cake and I have a tempestuous relationship. On one hand, it comes at the end of the meal, is usually festive, and I have no will power anyway.

On the other hand, most cakes are too sweet, too dry, and have catastrophically bad ratios of cake to filling to frosting.

And on the third hand I don't have much of a sweet tooth, except for some specific and delicious sugary things like chewy candies and jelly beans. So a cake that is cloyingly sweet just doesn't attract my attention...much.

However a well-designed cake will certainly pique my interest, in particular one that has an interesting filling. Don't just slop some extra frosting between the layers and expect me to come running! I love contrasting flavors; something like a bitter chocolate frosting and a tart fruit filling is always an indicator of something that deserves to be sampled.

So what is the optimal cake for the Horde? And ice cream cakes don't count, because everyone loves ice cream cakes!

******
It's difficult not to point and laugh and throw rotten vegetables at people who are so wildly misinformed and ignorant of the reality of the human condition. We've all seen this sort of nonsense, and while I might be in the minority, I figure that as long as I am not required to sign on to their anti-human silliness it's fine with me if they eat tree bark and broccoli.

Except...that's not all they do. They agitate to change my food, to end the consumption of animal protein or even the products of animals like eggs and milk.

And even worse -- far, far worse -- they spread the gospel of unnatural eating to their children, with sadly predictable results.

Vegan Florida mom faces sentence in starvation death of son

I am usually sanguine about the capacity of humanity for cruelty, but our children are innocents, and this is unspeakably evil. I have no interest in any explanation or justification on the grounds of some insane greater good that protects animals. This woman does not deserve the mercy of an ordered society. She deserves nothing more than to be whipped through the public square as a warning to others.

******
Biscuit Sandwich? You have my attention! But dig a bit deeper and there are troubling aspects of this recipe that require examination. Yes, I am going to make one, but the whole sweet potato thing may very well be a bridge too far.

A Biscuit Sandwich Rolled Into One

I love the idea of a perfect packet of deliciousness. It reminds me of the ham and cheese croissants that my mother would buy from a local supermarket chain. But the chef seems to think that the typical ham and cheese biscuit requires sweetness to counteract the saltiness of the ham, but that is what fat is for! Besides, my biscuit recipe has a touch of sweetness from heavy cream and sometimes even sugar.

******
Long-time commenter and agricultural genius, "Martini Farmer" flexes his smoking muscles with burnt ends.

Now, I have a significant issue with his technique. I think that burnt ends should be dry, but MF has sauced them, which I think changes the whole point of the burnt end...the crunchy-crispy-smoky treat at the edges of the brisket or pork belly or butt.

I made a small batch of burnt ends today. We had a small (1.3lb) pork belly and decided to try our hands at doing burnt ends. Trimmed into 1 inch squares and used Meat Church Honey Boo Boo rub on the cubes. Let them sit for about an hour and sweat a bit, then put on my Traeger preheated to 250 for about 2 1/2 hours. Internal temps were about 215 at that point so we sauced them and returned the pan to the smoker for another 20 minutes on "smoke" or low. The sauce is just regular BBQ and about 2 tablespoons of pepper jelly.

My first attempt at this. Not too bad.

But on further reflection I realize that one of my favorite uses of burnt ends is as an addition to Mac & Cheese, which of course is lovely and goopy and wet.

Obviously this requires testing. Lots and lots of testing.

******

This is how we should deal with the crazies who will drive us into a pre-industrial hell if we aren't careful. Mock them. Make fun of them. Demean their ideas. Make them punchlines!

[Hat Tip: Bluebell]

******
Sous Vide for the win!

Floating Human Foot at Yellowstone Is Grim Reminder of Hot Spring Dangers

[Hat Tip: someone who prefers not to be named]

******

******
Just send me oysters. Lots of oysters, and I will provide special dispensation for those without taste who insist upon maple syrup with their French Toast. And pork rib roasts from the front end of the pig where all the good and fatty meat lives, carrots that don't taste like stalky chalk, spare bottles of Van Winkle Special Reserve 12 Year Old Bourbon, an herb garden that actually produces herbs (but no basil!), well-marbled NY strip steaks and elk backstrap to: cbd dot aoshq at gmail dot com.

And don't think that the rest of you are off the hook with maple syrup and French Toast: I'm still watching you! And I am watching you perverts who shake Manhattans and keeping a list for the Burning Times.