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July 23, 2022

Saturday Overnight Open Thread (7/23/22)

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The Saturday Night Joke

AN EDUCATED DOG - KNOWS TOO MUCH

A young Irish boy goes off to college. Half way through the semester, having foolishly squandered all his money, he calls home.

"Dad" he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing!
They actually have a program here in our institution that will teach our dog, Jack, how to talk!"
"That's amazing, "his father says. "How do I get Jack in that program?"
"Just send him down here with $10,000" the young boy says " and I'll get him in the course."
So his father sends the dog and $10,000.

About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money again runs out.

The boy calls home. "So how's Jack doing son?" his father asks.
"Awesome, dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this -- they've had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!"
"Read ??"says his father. "No kidding! How do we get Jack in that program?"
"Just send $20,000, I'll get him in the class."
The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem.

At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read.
So he shoots the dog!!!

When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited. "Where's Jack? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!"
"Dad" the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Jack was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading The Economic Times, like he usually does. Then Jack turned to me and asked,

"So, is your father still having an affair with that pretty lady Rachel who lives down the street ?"

The father went white and exclaimed "I hope you shot that son of a bitch before he talks to your Mother!"
"I sure did, dad!
"That's my boy!"

The kid went on to law school and is now a politician.

Submitted by TN Deplorable.


***


"Just as litter degrades the landscape of the community, noise degrades the soundscape."

Park Police mute giant speaker system at Montgomery Co. park
Police said they were able to stop the man before he "had the chance to become a nuisance."

I wonder what he had cued up? Stranglehold?


***


Man's best friend? Definitely not snakes.

Police in Upper Macungie Township, Pa., shot a snake to death in order to save a man it was strangling Wednesday afternoon, CBS Philly reports.

Police said officers were called to a Fogelsville home for a man in cardiac arrest with a snake wrapped around his neck.


***


Ink is forever. Unless you lose that limb. Walter Reed Military Hospital is trying to fix that.

From the very cringe to the very meaningful, tattoos have a special place in the military. Now, a policy at the Walter Reed National Military Medical Center will help ensure wounded service members don’t have to part with the beloved tats they got during their time in uniform.


***


There are still a few weeks of summer left if you want to go on a vacation. Locals vs Tourists: The most divisive attractions in the United States

***


So you won't bring me a sammich Sugar T!ts?

When Authorities Dunked Outspoken Women in Water
In early modern England, women accused of being “common scolds” were immersed in rivers and lakes while strapped to contraptions known as ducking stools


***


You know me. You know The ONT. The ONT Is Always Looking Out For YouTM

After Six Months
Basically, adding a nap into your daily routine will give your body a major health boost. After six months, the long-term benefits of napping kick in. Breese notes one study on Greek adults that found a short nap during the day reduces the risks of dying from heart disease and regularly getting more rest may increase your sex drive. “Overall, napping can help you get on a more consistent schedule, and research finds the consistency to be extremely beneficial for your sleep,” says Breese.


***

As I compose The ONT I have no idea what the Movie Thread will consist of. 50 Bad Movies That Are Absurdly Fun to Watch - A guaranteed good-bad time.

For most people, a typical movie-watching experience doesn't mean taking in the most audacious, challenging art the medium has to offer. There's a time and a place for French New Wave, Ingmar Bergman, and the boundary-pushing work of contemporary auteurs like Lars von Trier and Lynne Ramsay. But that time and place is probably not your living room after a long week of work. More often than not, the movie you're seeking doesn't require too much intellectual work and whose tagline should include a suggestion to suspend disbelief. In other words, you need a Bad Good Movie, also known as a Fun Bad Movie.

There are many such movies out there, and no two people will define a Bad Good Movie the same way. In gathering the titles on this list, we looked for the self-indulgent dialogue, excessive action, and irredeemably preposterous premises that defy you not to be impressed. Are these the 50 best Bad Good Movies of all time? The genre's nebulous nature makes it impossible to say, but they're certainly in contention, and we're probably re-watching one of them right now.

***

The ONT Musical Interlude & Seltzer Emporium



On this day: 23 Jul 2011
Amy Winehouse was found dead at her north London home, she was 27. A Metropolitan Police spokesman confirmed that a 27-year-old woman had died in Camden and that the cause of death was as yet unexplained.London Ambulance Service said it had been called to the flat at 1554 BST and sent two vehicles but the woman died.The troubled singer had a long battle with drink and drugs which overshadowed her recent musical career. via thisdayinmusic.com


&&&



On this day: 23 Jul 1994
The International Astronomical Union named an asteroid orbiting between Mars and Jupiter after Frank Zappa who had died the previous December. via thisdayinmusic.com

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Born on this day: 23 Jul 1965
Slash, (Saul Hudson), guitarist with Guns N' Roses who had the 1988 US No.1 and 1989 UK No.6 single Sweet Child o' Mine and the 1991 US and UK No.1 album Use Your Illusion II. Their 1987 debut album, Appetite for Destruction has sold approximately 30 million copies worldwide, including 18 million in the US, making it the best-selling debut album of all time. Slash went on to form the side project Slash's Snakepit and then Velvet Revolver, who had the 2004 US No.1 and UK No.11 album Contraband.via thisdayinmusic.com


***


Just remember, leave it covered and unphotographed. Genius Award Winner.

How a Dick Pic Helped Detectives Crack a $30M Celebrity Diamond Heist


The saga began with a luxury lifestyle Instagram post. Just before Christmas in 2019, Tamara Ecclestone—the model heiress daughter of diminutive ex-Formula One boss Bernie Ecclestone—announced that she and her family were jetting off to Lapland for the holidays with a picture of her daughter, Sophia, in front of a private jet.

On the night they left, a gang of thieves broke into the family’s home located on a street referred to as “billionaire’s row.” The group were able to swipe around $30 million in cash, watches and diamonds from the property. That was despite the fact that a security guard actually caught three unmasked men in flagrante at around 11pm inside Ecclestone’s dressing room—known as “the vault”—after its six-inch steel door had been left unlocked. The thieves shoved past the guard and escaped the palatial mansion through a window.


***

Tonight's ONT has been brought to you by Interesting Customers.

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Notice: Posted with or without permission from the Ace Media Empire and AceCorp, LLC depending on who is being deposed at the moment.

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