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Food Thread: You Can Pull My Pork From My Cold Dead Hands!

Oh yes...that is on the menu here at lovely Chez Dildo, mostly because I am alone for a couple of days and get to eat exactly what I want!

Why yes, dinner last night was bourbon, ice cream, and pork ribs.

No...wait...that was breakfast. Dinner was bourbon, pork ribs, ice cream and sauteed squash! And baked beans. And peanut butter.

But dinner tonight will be Porc Fumé au Chou Sur une Brioche Avec Sauce Piquante, with a good beer that isn't a mouthful of hops. And bourbon and ice cream, because I am not a savage, and that is a part of every well balanced meal.

And for those of you who are curious, Sous vide for 24 hours at 160 degrees, then into the smoker for an hour or so for a taste of cherry wood and a bit of a crust. One of the huge advantages of Sous Vide is that all of the juices are retained, instead of dripping away in the smoker, so right now I have a quart of drippings quietly sitting on the counter, separating the fat so I will be able to make a delicious sauce that isn't too greasy.

Don't knock it 'til you try it!

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One of the oddest and most disturbing things about the current crop of 20-somethings I know is that they are almost completely detached from the realities of their world. They have no idea where their food comes from; they have no idea where the technology that runs their world comes from; they have even less of an idea how to maintain it; and their answer to most problems is: call somebody to take care of it.

Of course this is a massive generalization. There are a few who understand how things work, but most don't, and that detachment bodes ill for them if the current trends in food supply chains continue on their rather unpleasant course. Pre-sliced cold cuts? Try again. You will have to butcher that pig yourself. And then make damned sure you don't waste any of it, including the ring meat and the squeal!

Yes, please get off my lawn.

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Looks like a nice slice of pâté with some sort of throwaway garnish.

Except, that garnish was a cornichon sorbet, which sounds terminally weird, but goes spectacularly well! Besides, cornichons (tiny pickles) are a classic accompaniment to pâté, so why not!

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There is a great dish that I have had at several Greek restaurants that looks ridiculously easy to make. It's just gigante beans in a light tomato sauce. But the internet tells me that there are many recipes, some of which sound pretty boring.

Any Greeks in the audience? Any Greeks in the audience who have their grandmother's recipe for gigante beans in tomato sauce?

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Regular commenter "Bitter Clinger" asks a fun question! My answer is, "Yes...of course!" Every home cook has something like that!

Do you have those dishes in your repertoire that family and friends always brag on, but you have no clue as to just how you made it, you just cook it entirely by feel and probably it never truly comes out the same twice, but it's always on point?

This is my relationship with the old Southern favorite Shrimp n' Grits.

I don't think I've ever measured anything in this dish to exacting measures, save for the water and grits for the base.

But after that it's "'bout that much butter, some white cheddar cheese, maybe a little heavy cream, couple pinches of salt. Yeah, that's about right."

And as for the shrimp and sauce, I dunno, "fry up some Cajun sausage in bacon grease with onion and some minced garlic, season with this and that, in with the shrimp and finish with cream."

How much? I dunno. The right amount, I'd say.

Wonder what dishes the Horde cooks from the hip?

So have at it...what are your best dishes that don't have recipes?
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Baked Feta with Cherry Tomatoes

It looks like a fun recipe, but I would be careful with the tomatoes. Cherry tomatoes and grape tomatoes can sometimes have thick and tough skins that do not roast well. But a single taste will tell you whether they will work, so give it a shot...I certainly will.

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A man wakes up after a heavy night of drinking to his wife happily cooking breakfast.

Confused, he approaches his daughter for an explanation of last night when he arrived home.

"You kicked in the door when you couldn't get your key in the lock, fell through the table and broke it, and pissed your pants."

"Jesus! So then why the hell is she in such a good mood?"

"When she tried to take your pants off to wash them, you slapped her hand away and said, 'Get your hands off me! I'm married!'"

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Just send me oysters. Lots of oysters, and I will provide special dispensation for those without taste who insist upon maple syrup with their French Toast. And pork rib roasts from the front end of the pig where all the good and fatty meat lives, carrots that don't taste like stalky chalk, spare bottles of Van Winkle Special Reserve 12 Year Old Bourbon, an herb garden that actually produces herbs (but no basil!), well-marbled NY strip steaks and elk backstrap to: cbd dot aoshq at gmail dot com.

And don't think that the rest of you are off the hook with maple syrup and French Toast: I'm still watching you! And I am watching you perverts who shake Manhattans and keeping a list for the Burning Times.