The Morning Rant: A Very Special Presidents Day Memory Of Mocking Workplace Motivation

Happy Presidents Day! I hope your holiday brings back warm fuzzy memories of Presidents Days of yore. Do you have any favorite memories of this holiday? I actually do!

About a decade ago I was hired by a struggling start-up to provide it some adult financial oversight and assistance. Its struggles were due in large part to its CEO’s megalomania. He embraced every idiotic motivational/management gimmick, believing he was changing us not only as individuals, but that in being disciples of his leadership, we would then change society. His gimmicks and craving for adulation didn’t leave many hours in the day to get any actual work done.

Believing his employees were worshipful of him, he thought I was simply slow in understanding and appreciating the concepts he was using to inspire us. As for me, I was amused at how slow he was to understand I was mocking him.

It was Presidents Day and we were having our Monday morning management meeting. We had to go around the conference room table, with everyone giving a “two-word check in.” With this gimmick, each person would say something banal using only two words, such as “Total commitment” or “Absolute focus.”

When it came to me, I said “James Polk.” The CEO looked at me with puzzlement, so I explained that today was Presidents Day, and I wanted to remember a significant US President who tends to get overlooked.

This generated a look of further puzzlement from him, to which I explained that James Polk went to war with Mexico, secured the southern border of Texas, and by adding half-a-million square miles of formerly Mexican land to the US, he completed the manifest destiny that finally extended this great country from the Atlantic to the Pacific…all in one term!

The company’s President gave a nervous laugh, afraid that I was mocking our CEO (which I was), but also unsure if I was simply an idiot who didn’t understand the concept of the two-word check-in, or understand that America’s manifest destiny might not play well in this crowd.

My apologies, but now I want to recount another of these memories, where I was once again gently subversive at this crazy workplace.

One Friday, the CEO strongly encouraged everyone to be just like him and meditate over the weekend to some annoying guru’s new-age DVD. He stressed that at the upcoming Monday meeting, everyone would have to describe how it impacted them. When the Monday meeting rolled around, he spoke in vacuous terms of how meditating to the guru moved and healed him that weekend, and then asked each of us to discuss our experiences.

When it was my turn, I stated that I did not watch or meditate to the DVD, but instead I enjoyed something similar - an activity that eases my mind, helps me escape my burdens, and heals me spiritually. I explained that instead of meditating to his guru, I sat down with a hymnal at the piano and played the great hymns of the faith for a solid hour, sometimes singing along, sometimes just feeling the Holy Spirit through the beautiful music my hands were creating.

Suffice it to say, Christianity was not popular with the executives here. If employees were to do any worshiping, it was the CEO we were supposed to worship. He looked at me with genuine bewilderment, unable to comprehend what I was saying or why I could not grasp his instructions. Meanwhile, the President knew exactly what I was doing and he glowered at me with hate. It was a beautiful and special moment for me.

Some of you may also recall my “no dress code” episode at this same employer, in which I refused to dress like everyone else who wore Blue Jeans & Sneakers. Under constant pressure to stop dressing in Slacks / Button-down / Loafers, it gave me great pleasure to smile and cite the company’s “No Dress Code” policy.

Being subversive with a smile ultimately played out well for me there. They paid me a handsome severance package, I went on to a much better job, and that company soon went under.

OK. That was fun. But let’s circle back to Presidents Day. Who is your favorite forgotten President, and why?

(buck.throckmorton at protonmail dot com)

posted by Buck Throckmorton at 11:00 AM

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