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December 23, 2020

Wednesday Overnight Open Thread (12/23/20) Christmas Will Be White. I Repeat, Christmas Will Be White

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***


Quotes of The Day


Quote I

“Christmas can be celebrated in the school room with pine trees, tinsel and reindeers, but there must be no mention of the man whose birthday is being celebrated. One wonders how a teacher would answer if a student asked why it was called Christmas.” Ronald Reagan


Quote II

“And when we give each other Christmas gifts in His name, let us remember that He has given us the sun and the moon and the stars, and the earth with its forests and mountains and oceans--and all that lives and move upon them. He has given us all green things and everything that blossoms and bears fruit and all that we quarrel about and all that we have misused--and to save us from our foolishness, from all our sins, He came down to earth and gave us Himself.” Sigrid Undset

Quote III

“In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went to church; the Jews called it 'Hanukkah' and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say 'Merry Christmas!' or 'Happy Hanukkah!' or (to the atheists) 'Look out for the wall!” Dave Barry

Quote IV

When Christ died, He died for you individually just as much as if you'd been the only man in the world. C. S. Lewis

Quote V


“Risqué, seaside-postcard-style wardrobe malfunction-style (ads) are a staple of the low-end publishers. They’ve created a tantalizing advertisement that is just about ‘clean’ enough to pass publishers’ propriety rules but salacious enough to capture audience interest.” Digital Whiskey planning director Mat Morrison


***


If you were looking for a typical Sunday - Wednesday ONT you are going to be disappointed. Contact Ace for a refund if you so choose. I know many of you are fed up with the Kung Flu, the November election debacle, deficit drunk sailor spending and the list goes on. Tonight will be my last ONT until Saturday, it's not that I'm lazy I just didn't want to cover current events on my "Friday ONT". So tonight's ONT will be mostly centered on the Christmas holiday and lighthearted bits.


***


IMG_0630.jpg

(Could there be a Mystery Click?)

George Washington's Eggnog Recipe

MOUNT VERNON EGGNOG RECIPE
We do have another homemade eggnog recipe kindly shared by Mount Vernon, as eggnog was indeed a popular drink in the latter half of the 18th century.

We’ve slightly adapted this recipe to make the ingredient amounts clear. We recommend preparing the mixture a day in advance so it’s well chilled. It’s well worth it! The grocery store stuff isn’t even the same animal.

Ingredients:

12 eggs (pasteurized if possible), room temperature
½ cup sugar
One-fifth bourbon (750ml bottle)*
½ teaspoon salt
1 quart whipping cream
Optional: 1 cup milk
1 to 2 teaspoons nutmeg, freshly grated (not ground)
*Note: You can adjust the amount of alcohol in this recipe or omit it altogether. Or, use a different alchohol on hand; common choices include brandy, rum, bourbon, or whisky. One eggnog recipe we enjoy (from the 1950s) uses “1 cup bourbon and 1 cup Cognac” in place of the one-fifth bourbon.

Directions:

Separate the egg whites and egg yolks very carefully, making sure there is absolutely no yolk in the whites. Cover the egg whites and store in the refrigerator.
Whisk egg yolks and sugar in a large bowl. (Or, use an electric or stand mixture with a whisk attachment.) Whip until thick and smooth; it should be lemon yellow in color, 5 to 7 minutes.
Slowly add the alcohol desired to large bowl while beating at slow speed. Scrape down side of bowl. Chill mixture for several hours or overnight.
In separate bowl, beat the egg whites and salt until almost stiff.
Whip the cream until stiff.
Fold the whipped cream into the yolk mixture, then fold in the beaten egg whites. Chill 1 hour.
When ready to serve, sprinkle the top with freshly grated nutmeg. Serve in punch cups with a spoon.
If desired, add 1 cup of milk to the yolk mixture for a thinner eggnog.

***


If Santa answered his mail honestly.


Deer Santa,

I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. I'v ben a gud boy
all yeer. Yer Friend, Billy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a book so you can learn to read and spell? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell. Santa

*****************************************************
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they? Santa

****************************************************
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do. Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me send you some Legos instead. Santa

****************************************************
Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation 2, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba. Love, Francis

Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay. I'll set you up with a Barbie. Santa

****************************************************
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door. Love, Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of Scotch. Santa
****************************************************
Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys? Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China . I have a condo in Vegas where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know. Santa
****************************************************
Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song? Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house. Santa

****************************************************
Dear Santa,
I really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please, PLEASE,
PLEASE could I have one? Love, Timmy

Dear Timmy,
That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again. Santa

****************************************************
Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house. How do you get into our home? Love, Marky

Dear Mark,
First stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window. Sweet dreams, Santa


I never claimed The ONT is G Rated.

***


I wonder how this sheriff's deputy explains this to Santa Claus. L.A. County Sheriff's Deputy Has Sex at Universal and Recorded on Open Mic

An L.A. County Sheriff's deputy allegedly had sex on the Universal Studios lot, and the guy had his mic open for all to hear ... and the recording is now the talk of the department.

Apparently one of the participants was a movie buff, because the encounter went down right by the Bates Motel on the lot.

You hear a woman moaning as a dispatcher from the Sheriff's station repeatedly tries to get her deputy's attention, telling him he had an open mic.

The deputy doesn't respond ... but the woman does, throughout the clip.

We don't know whether the deputy was in the patrol car or nearby.



***

A Smart Military BlogTM should cover why NORAD tracks Santa.

On November 30, 1955, a phone rang on Col. Harry Shoup’s desk at Continental Air Defense Command (CONAD). CONAD was tasked with watching for a Soviet attack by air and alerting Strategic Air Command. In the midst of the Cold War, a phone call to Colonel Shoup’s desk could have brought critical news for national security.


***


Hopefully you'll be breaking your state and/or local Chinese Kung Flu lock downs. If you are and need a tasty drink: Here ya go. This should make Uncle Dave have a red nose just like Rudolph's.

***


You still have time to buy some brewskis for a gift. The best beers of 2020.


Beer not on your gift list? How about a cribbage board?


Maybe you can get a rain check on this board game. Quite frankly I'm fed up with everything Kung Flu related.


***


When I was in high school I had a summer job. My immediate supervisor once commented, "Boys will be boys until their peckers weigh a pound." I have never forgotten that comment. The Ways We Remain Immature Children, Even as Mature Adults

In discussions about growing up, you’ll sometimes hear people say something like, “When you’re young, you think adults really have it together. But when you become an adult yourself, you realize grown-ups actually don’t have any idea what they’re doing either!” This is shared as some kind of conspiratorial secret — a ubiquitous-yet-under-discussed truth.

Yet it is largely bollocks — a justification for continuing to flounder even as you advance in age. We personally know plenty of adults who do have it together, who do know what they’re doing, who are able to operate as very capable grown-ups. While it’s true that everyone undergoes continual, sometimes crisis-filled seasons of change, and faces uncharted, and initially perplexing territory throughout their lives, by the time you reach your thirties, you should have developed a decent amount of emotional and practical intelligence — a set of adaptable mental tools that allow you to adequately grapple with any problem, no matter how novel. If you haven’t developed such a capacity, then something has gone wrong either with the upbringing to which you were subjected, or the personal development track you self-selected; either way, this lack ought to be intentionally addressed, rather than excused as a universality.


***


And here I thought I dropped the F Bomb around too much.

This Agency's End-of-2020 PSA Wins Prize for Most F-Bombs Ever
Public gets profane to support mental health

All kidding aside. Want to help support mental health? Get rid of the fucking Nazi like regulations you have people living under.

***

Reason #793 why I love the Fabulous Mrs. Mis. Hum. She has never asked me to wrap presents in our time together.

Nice segue Mis. Hum. Thanks......................


Christmas Wasn’t Always the Kid-Friendly Gift Extravaganza We Know Today - How a once-raucous holiday became a time of childlike wonder and beribboned consumerism

There’s a special, even magical connection between children and the “most wonderful time of the year.” Their excitement, their belief, the joy they bring others have all become wrapped up in the Christmas spirit. Take the lyrics of classic songs like “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas,” “White Christmas,” or even the aptly titled “Christmas Is for Children” by country music legend Glen Campbell—these are just a few of the many pop culture offerings that cement the relationship between kids and Christmas. But it hasn’t always been this way, even though the holiday celebrates the Christ child’s birth. How kids got to the heart of Christmas has a lot to tell us about the hopes and needs of the modern grown-ups who put them there.

Until the late 18th century, Christmas was a boisterous affair, with roots in the pre-Christian Midwinter and Roman Saturnalia holidays. You’d find more along the lines of drunkenness, debauchery and raucous carousing at this time of year, especially from young men and the underclasses, than “silent night, holy night.” For example, in early forms of wassailing (the forerunner of neighborhood carol-singing) the poor could go into the homes of the rich, demanding the best to drink and eat in exchange for their goodwill. (Once you know this, you’ll never hear “Now bring us some figgy pudding” the same way again!)

***

The ONT Musical Interlude


Rocker Leslie West, RIP.


&&&


***

Instead of Bedford, it looks like the town's name should be changed to Pottersville Genius Award Winnerville.

State police are investigating a scam phone call where a Bedford man was reportedly deceived into giving $1,000 worth of gift cards to an unknown individual.

The incident occurred on Tuesday, December 15 when an unknown male individual with an Indian English accent made a phone call to the victim allegedly using the Bedford County Sheriff’s Department phone number. The individual implied that he was a member of the Bedford County Sheriff’s Department and reportedly advised the victim that he had a warrant for his arrest.

The individual relayed to the victim that if he did not pay his fines, he would be placed under arrest. The victim was then directed to purchase $1,000 worth of American Express gift cards and then forward the card numbers to the individual. After the victim reportedly provided the numbers, the individual requested more money to which the victim refused.


***


Weekly commenter stats for week of 12-20-2020




Top 10 commenters:
1 [454 comments] 'BurtTC' [63.73 posts/day]
2 [453 comments] 'Insomniac'
3 [408 comments] 'Sharkman'
4 [391 comments] 'Braenyard'
5 [381 comments] 'Bete'
6 [377 comments] 'rhennigantx'
7 [376 comments] 'Skip'
8 [357 comments] 'rickb223'
9 [321 comments] 'redbanzai the Southerner'
10 [317 comments] 'deplorable unperson - refuse to accept the Mask of the Beast'

Top 10 sockpuppeteers:
1 [178 names] '"Russian" hackers I guess' [24.98 unique names/day]
2 [156 names] 'Miklos Tanuvasa, Esq. and 340 pounds'
3 [68 names] 'Bete'
4 [54 names] 'Duncanthrax'
5 [45 names] 'Hands'
6 [26 names] 'andycanuck'
7 [26 names] '18-1'
8 [23 names] 'Commissar Hrothgar - Your Rulers Have Earned, And Deserve, Different Rules! '
9 [23 names] 'Cicero (@cicero43)'
10 [23 names] 'Notorious BFD'


***

My Christmas card to you that I ripped off from an email.................

T'was 2 days before Christmas,
And all through the town,
People wore masks,
That covered their frown.

The frown had begun
Way back in the Spring,
When a global pandemic
Changed everything.

They called it corona,
But unlike the beer,
It didn’t bring good times,
It didn’t bring cheer.

Airplanes were grounded,
Travel was banned.
Borders were closed
Across air, sea and land.

As the world entered lockdown
To flatten the curve,
The economy halted,
And folks lost their nerve.

From March to July
We rode the first wave,
People stayed home,
They tried to behave.

When summer emerged
The lockdown was lifted.
But away from caution,
Many folks drifted.

Now it’s November
And cases are spiking,
Wave two has arrived,
Much to our disliking.

It’s true that this year
Has had sadness a plenty,
We’ll never forget
The year 2020.

And just ‘round the corner -
The holiday season,
But why be merry?
Is there even one reason?

To decorate the house
And put up the tree,
Who will see it,
No one but me.

But outside my window
The snow gently falls,
And I think to myself,
Let’s deck the halls!

So, I gather the ribbon,
The garland and bows,
As I play those old carols,
My happiness grows.

Christmas is not cancelled
And neither is hope.
If we lean on each other,
I know we can cope.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.


Tonight's ONT has been brought to you by a Santa Claus Enthusiast.

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Notice: Posted with permission by the Ace Media Empire and AceCorp, LLC. From my family to yours, A Blessed and Merry Christmas.

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