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Quarantine Cafe | Main | The Morning Report - 4/10/20
April 09, 2020

A Jug Of Wine, A Loaf Of Bread - And ONT

Well, as many of you know, yesterday was a sad day for America. Yes, that's right. Bernie Sanders decided to end his bid for the Democratic nomination for president. Naturally, the Bernie Bros are crushed.

Bernie Gump.jpg


It's a solemn moment. Many people poured their hearts and souls into his campaign, putting their lives on hold for weeks or months at a time, and now it's all for naught. We here at AoSHQ understand, and would like to make our sincere feelings known.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

* breath *

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

* wheeze *

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Oh, shit. I gotta stop now. I need a drink.


We Should Thank The Queen


For wearing a green dress in her address to the UK the other day, it makes for a perfect greenscreen. The photoshoppers are having a field day.

Queen of farts.jpg


Ghana Says Goodbye

It's the hot new meme that all the kids are talking about. Ace has been mentioning it and linking videos all week. There's even a Reddit, r/GhanaSaysGoodbye. The format is this: Video of someone doing something that ends/is about to end in disaster, then cut to video of Ghanaian funeral dancers, the implication being that they died from their folly. All of it set to music by Astronomia. Here's one that I made:

Now, you're not supposed to use film of people actually dying, although I've seen several that I don't see how anyone could have survived, and it's supposed to be all in fun. If you want to see more, there's plenty of examples at the link above.

What I've really learned from this meme is that now I want Ghanaian funeral dancers at my funeral.

Life In Quarantine

This is a bizarre story. They Were the Last Couple in Paradise. A couple from South Africa on their honeymoon in the Maldives. Quarantine shut down travel, they couldn't get home, and now they are stuck at a fully staffed 5-star resort. They are the only ones there, but local law requires the resort to maintain a full staff. Sounds great in theory, but in practice I suspect it's awful.


American Innovation. Strip club, shuttered because of the lock down, starts food delivery service “Boober Eats”.

Which industry has taken the biggest hit? Probably restaurants. Everything Got Ripped Out From Under Us

Here's a little art gallery in Baltimore. The owner is one of my clients, and also a lurker here. He had just opened in January, to widespread acclaim, seeking to give local artists a venue for selling their work where they could make some money from the sale. Everything was going great for a month or so, the neighborhood was pleased to have him there, people were coming in and buying art....but the business model was based upon foot traffic from The Avenue, a trendy shopping district in historic Hampden. It was the right gallery in the right place at the right time....but you can imagine what the stay at home order for Maryland did to all of that. The gallery is closed and had to hurriedly put up an online store, but there's nowhere near the volume of traffic it had before. If you're looking for some paintings, check it out. There's some good stuff there.


How To Handle China

Well, it seems that China didn't like the coverage they were getting in The Daily Telegraph, so it sent the paper a strongly worded letter through its Australian Consulate General. The paper promptly printed the letter – with a line by line rebuttal.

China: The origin of the virus is still undetermined, and the World Health Organization has named the novel coronavirus “COVID-19”.

Paper: The World Health Organisation also appointed Zimbabwean murderer Robert Mugabe as its Goodwill Ambassador and declared on March 2 that the “stigma” of the coronavirus “is more dangerous than the virus itself”.

The World Health Organisation does a lot of stupid stuff.

---

China: The effectiveness of China's epidemic prevention and control has fully underlined the people-centred philosophy of the Communist Party of China and the strong advantages of the Chinese system.

Paper: In 2018, Amnesty International reported that China executed more citizens than the rest of the world combined.

Please tell us more about your “people-centred philosophy” and how many bullets it requires.

Read it all at the link. Great stuff.


Two Men Went Looking For America, And They Couldn't Find It Anywhere

All 50 State Capitals, Ranked From Worst to First

Annapolis is 4th. I can live with that. Bismarck should have ranked higher, it's charming.

When You Lie On Your Resume And Don't Get Caught

liar.jpg

Whooooose There?

Tonight's ONT brought to you by House Of Pain (sound on):

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posted by WeirdDave at 10:00 PM

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