Sponsored Content




Intermarkets' Privacy Policy
Support


Donate to Ace of Spades HQ!



Recent Entries
Absent Friends
Bandersnatch 2024
GnuBreed 2024
Captain Hate 2023
moon_over_vermont 2023
westminsterdogshow 2023
Ann Wilson(Empire1) 2022
Dave In Texas 2022
Jesse in D.C. 2022
OregonMuse 2022
redc1c4 2021
Tami 2021
Chavez the Hugo 2020
Ibguy 2020
Rickl 2019
Joffen 2014
AoSHQ Writers Group
A site for members of the Horde to post their stories seeking beta readers, editing help, brainstorming, and story ideas. Also to share links to potential publishing outlets, writing help sites, and videos posting tips to get published. Contact OrangeEnt for info:
maildrop62 at proton dot me
Cutting The Cord And Email Security
Moron Meet-Ups

NoVaMoMe 2024: 06/08/2024
Arlington, VA
Details to follow


Texas MoMe 2024: 10/18/2024-10/19/2024 Corsicana,TX
Contact Ben Had for info





















« Mid-Morning Art Thread | Main | Video From Jeffrey Epstein's First "Suicide Attempt" Also Mysteriously Missing »
December 19, 2019

A Visit From Nadler Claus* [By Seamus Muldoon]

'Twas the week before Christmas, and all through the House
Not a critter was stirring, not even a louse;
The Articles were filed in committee with care,
In hopes that Impeachment soon would be there;

The Democrats were nestled all snug in their beds;
While visions of quid pro quo danced in their heads;
And Nan with her Botox, and Schiff Pencil-neck,
Had just wrapped their heads 'round th' impending train wreck,

Then on the South Lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
On my way to the stairs I threw on my trousers,
Turned on the computer and opened my browser.

The girl with the breasts on the news - CNN,
Gave a lustre of half-truth to objects within,
When before my own eyes, well how 'bout that,
Was a kangaroo court and 8 career diplomats,

With a little old Chairman so lively and merry,
I knew in a moment he must be St. Jerry
Weighed down by their burden his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:

"Now, Vindman! now, Sondland! now Yo-van-o-vich
On, Volker! on, Karlan!, Fiona you witch!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now smash away! crash away! thrash away all!"

As leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky;
So the witnesses in front of the House they all stood
With St. Jerry's sleigh, chock full of falsehoods

Then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was set to announce,
Down the chimney ol' Nadler Claus came with a bounce.

Dressed in tailor-made suits, from his feet to his gut,
His clothes were all tarnished with food stains and smut;
A bag of false charges was flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.

His eyes—they were beady! his hygiene, how scary!
His manner was greedy. Physique? sedentary!
His pinched little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
The spittle on his chin was as white as the snow;

The cloth of his pants was as tight as it gets,
With the waistband cinched snugly around his arm pits;
He had a broad face and a big round belly
That shook when he spoke, like a bowl full of jelly.

He was flabby and plump, a right sleazy old elf,
But I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
The twitch in his eye and the shape of his head
Soon told me the Prez'nint had nothing to dread;

He spoke to the press, with a visible snerk,
Filled the stockings with coal; then turned, what a jerk,
And picking his nose, he said "Great! Just my luck!"
His ass was so fat, in the chimney he stuck;

He got to his sleigh, just a little bit miffed,
And they drove down the road, due to not enough lift
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight—
“Happy 'peachment to all...
...and to all a good night!”

-- Muldoon

*Apologies to Clement Moore


digg this
posted by CBD at 11:00 AM

| Access Comments




Recent Comments
Moron Robbie - If this is how Georgia hires attorneys, imagine how they manage elections: "I think it was grump928 who made an outstanding po ..."

Don Black: "is everyone over on the main page, slapping f5 lik ..."

JackStraw: ">>The long-shredded pretense to impartiality is su ..."

Moron Robbie - If this is how Georgia hires attorneys, imagine how they manage elections: "Wakandyass it is! ..."

Don Black: "NYR 0 COL 0 end 1st p 🏒 ..."

Alberta Oil Peon: "If the Wakandians hadn't been isolationists then t ..."

Puddleglum at work: "[i]173 167 I’ve often speculated that the re ..."

Moron Robbie - If this is how Georgia hires attorneys, imagine how they manage elections: "If the Wakandians hadn't been isolationists then t ..."

Ciampino - Bloody 'experts' again ...: "158 For being the alleged "birthplace of civilizat ..."

sock_rat_eez - these lying bastardi e stronzi have been lying to us for decades [/b][/u][/i][/s]: "got to have a spread of alternatives, amirite? ..."

Bulgaroctonus : "167 I’ve often speculated that the reason th ..."

Hairyback Guy: "Anita Bryant > All Other Female Crooners ..."

Recent Entries
Search


Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64