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July 24, 2019

Soyboy Tweet-Party Thread!

Well, most of the soyboys avoided Twitter today -- gee, wonder why -- and I imagine that tomorrow they'll be mostly tweeting about other subjects.

Maybe we can try imitating them in advance?

On days when the soyboys are once again routed, they usually talk about the following things, exclusively:

1. Whether or not hotdogs are sandwich

2. Which condiments you can put on a hotdog or other stable and which they pretend to have a childishly emotional negative reaction to even hearing about.

3. Hey look, another corporate fast-food franchise has put out another strange/unappealing item on their menu! They do this, of course, in the expectation that Twitter Addicts will talk this calculated Publicity Gambit up and thus provide free advertising! Which they -- literally always -- always do!

So, let's talk about Wendy's new Pancake Triple Dare Taco because it's so wild!!! A taco? And a pancake! Isn't that weird?!

See, we're the Funbunch Republicans for talking about menu items designed only to be discussed on twitter, just like our corporate overlords expect of us!

(Oh and we're Smart for not seeing through this ploy by now, too!)

4. Here is my ranking of some narrow category of Marvel Movies. Like Top Five Marvel movies in which an infinity stone does not appear. FIGHT ME if you disagree with my list!

5. What are the most underrated Donovan albums? Time for some game theory.

6. Die Hard is Christmas. Once again, Fight Me if you disagree.

7. I'm now going to try to affect a Masculine Sort of Vibe and offer an unreasonably strong,, childishly strident opinion about not liking, say, kale or another vegetable. Because having childishly strong opinions about very silly things is Manly, right? So: I refuse to eat kale and I don't care Who knows it, bucco! (PS, once again, fight me if you disagree.)

8. Let's play a game: Take the name of a famous movie and change one word to OrangeManBad. Twitter games are fun! (Spending time with actual human beings is for the birds!)

9. Let's talk about recent changes to the Twitter font/format for a couple of hours, because addicts never tire of talking about the quality of the drug they're addicted to.

10. Then we can "tag" each other in flirty little fake insults, like saying "JackStraw's opinions are bad." We can pretend to fight about this, again, like real adult men do.

And fight me if you disagree!

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posted by Ace of Spades at 08:27 PM

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