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January 26, 2019

National Review Now Doing Forcible Gay Prison Anal Rape Comedy Routines

Yes, moral scold and plagiarist Jonah Goldberg is now plagiarizing Fellow Fatty John Podhoretz's prison rape gags about Roger Stone.

John Podhoretz did his tight prison anal rape set on the garbage platform Twitter, but Jonah Goldberg really ups the ante by performing a looser "Jazz Odyssey" improvisation of prison rape themes in the National Review.

Yes, The National Review. Where every five or six issues they take the opportunity, for the nth-hundredth time, to tell us how important they are and what a vital and civilizing influence they are on American culture.

And now: Prison Buttfuck fantasias.

But you know -- tastefully done. Cheesecloth and candlelight, period costumes and Shakespearean flourishes. Like Bob Guccione's Caligula, for example.

Sodomy always sounds smarter with a British accent.

Of course, one recalls easily many of the famously ribald prison anal rape vignettes that master Prison Rape fantasist William F. Buckley, Jr. conjured for us in the pages of the old National Review, though he was of course, necessarily, a bit more sesquipedalian in sketching of violent homosexual rape sodomaniacal scenarios.

Are they too afraid of him to edit Goldberg? Why? He's nothing. Surely they've noticed this chubby, bosomy bimbo has rather lost most of his audience and his "heat"? Surely they're not impressed with the sales performance of this zaftig, heavy-breasted tart's Suicide of the Career? Surely they've noticed this big-knockered nebbish has taken to plagiarizing entire columns from bloggers?

He can't be a draw any longer, except on the corporate bank account.

Are there no men there at all? Is there literally no one in this Gay Thunderdome to tell somebody, "No"?

Suggesting that little children were like the Roman soldiers viciously scourging Christ wasn't Andre Serrano/Robert Mappelthorpe Shock Artiste enough for the new sexier National Review; now we're writing Oz fan-fic.

It's not National Review -- It's HBO.

Or maybe it's the debut of a new vertical, National Review After Dark or maybe National Review Midnight Blue.

I wonder if the winsome and fey Jay Nordlinger will pick up the torch that Jonah has so bravely ferried thusfar and begin musing about his favorite movie prison rape scenes, or that wonderful night in the City of Lights when he saw an immaculate little chap getting raped with a silver-knobbed walking-stick behind L'Opera...

Oh, and then there was that perfectly delightful Direct Address performance about the Tossed Salad Man...

Question: Should Jonah Goldberg be forcibly anally raped? I ask this because he seems to find the question puckishly delightful when asked of political enemies. As he is my own enemy, surely he cannot object to my wondering the same of his flabby, accommodating ass. I mean, if it's considered a proper gentleman's question in the pages of the august and austere National Review, surely he will allow it's a fit question to ask on a blog not created by William F. Buckley.

I hate to be the guy coming up with all the ideas, but perhaps this Gang Who Couldn't Shoot Straight could pledge to one another not to drink and hit the "Publish" button? Maybe some enterprising soul could write a short little bit of code that blocks all publishing past 9pm and before 6:30am?

We seem to be having a lot of Embarrassing Nocturnal Emissions of late.

Apparently the cucks and lefties are all on the same page -- Cuck Harem Leader Jake Tapper made with the funny Gay Prison Sex jokes earlier, too, and strangely enough, I did not hear the Speech-Patrollers and Hall-Monitors like Ben Shapiro or the other hypocritical scolds say "boo" about it.

Why, it's almost as if they envision the world as two distinct castes-- the plebes and untermenschen who you may condescend and bully and hector and lecture, and the Aristocratic Caste who can say whatever they damn well please.




PS: When will Jonah be rewriting the same article he writes every month about Trump brutalizing and coarsening our pristine national discourse?

It's kind of going to have a bit of a different valence next time, given, you know, his Prison Sodomy Gang fan fictions?

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posted by Ace of Spades at 01:24 AM

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