Lets Talk About Sex Ba-be, Lets Talk On The Oh-En-Tee

That's right, tonight's ONT is all about S-E-X, that spells sex. Ground rules: remember, this is at least a moderately family friendly site. We're after hours, true, but lets keep it to a PG-13 or a lite R, M'kay? No links to porn. No “And then I F*** her C**** with my donkey D***!” Such comments will be deleted and you may be banned for posting them. We can talk about sex, and have fun, without being crude and rude.

Just The Facts, Ma'am

Accidental Assault By Sex Toy

Here's a story from a cop who innocently opened the closet in an apartment while answering a call....

The Locals Complained About The Sign

Funny Sex Stories

The Horde is made up of perverts a varied group of people, I'm sure that y'all have bunches of funny stories about sex. Like, for example, one time, these two Thai girls wanted to sleep with me. They told me it would be like I'd won the lottery, and they were right. Halfway through, I looked down and saw six bouncing balls. But seriously, I did date a Thai girl once. At least, she said that she was a girl, but I think she was a man. It was just something I could feel inside of me.

Here's a real one. I knew someone who was asleep in his dorm one night when his roommate came home with a girl. They proceed to get into the top bunk bed and knock boots while he pretended to still be asleep. Suddenly he heard something crash to the floor. He looked and it was an artificial leg. He jumped out of bed screaming “Is that a leg???”, horrified at the though of the perverted sex that had been going on over his head. His roommate and his date were laughing their asses off. They finally calmed down enough to explain that she had lost a leg in an accident, and during their, er, recreation her prosthesis had come off. “Is that a leg?” became a catch phrase for a while.

50 Weird Sex Stories Commenters chipped in with some of their own.

Rock Bottom

Woman performed sex act for $5, Pringles before being shot, deputies say

I feel sorry for her. I'm not sure you can sink any lower than this.

He Really Is A Beast

Stories from Sex-Ed

Sorry to keep linking to the same source, but man, Imgur is a treasure trove of this stuff. And because of their rules you don't keep tripping over porn, so it usually fits the “PG-13 to lite R” guidelines. For example, here's some from an EMT. The community over there isn't as witty as the Moron Horde, but they have there moments. Someone had posted a screen cap of a green text (4Chan) story that was...implausible (think Flatliners:The Porno). The screen cap had also captured a banner ad for Google Music, and the first response to this tale of a guy stopping and restarting his GF's heart during sex (before she committed suicide for “unrelated mental health problems”, uh-huh) was “HOLY SHIT, YOU CAN GET UNLIMITED MUSIC FROM GOOGLE?!” I'll admit it, it made me laugh.

Auto Repair

Female mechanics? Don't be silly, you can't fix a car unless you have a dick

Tonight's ONT brought to you by Marilyn Monroe:

I'll admit it, that was my goto move when I was single. It works too, I sure wasn't reeling them in with my looks.

posted by WeirdDave at 09:58 PM

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