At The Late Night, Double Feature, Oh En Teeeee....

Lyrics are italicized, audience participation is bolded

Michael Rennie was ill
The Day the Earth Stood Still
But he told us where we stand (on our feet!)
And Flash Gordon was there
In silver underwear (it was gold)
Claude Rains was The Invisible Man
(He wasn't invisible, I saw him 21 times)
Then something went wrong
For Fay Wray and King Kong(They went apeshit)
They got caught in a celluloid(sexual) jam
Then at a deadly pace
It Came From (where?)Outer Space
And this is how the message ran...
(Chocolate lips!)

The Friday before Halloween, not a bad place for a Rocky Horror reference? Ahh, the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Staple of midnight showings nationwide, a little slice of Americana where teenagers (and older) would gather to throw toast at each other, fight with water pistols and scream blistering obscenities along with the dialogue of the movie in a hellish call-and-response orgy of raunchy bad taste and cheerful hedonism. Toss in the folks cosplaying as characters from the movie (especially the inevitable fat guy who insisted on wearing a garter belt, panties and a Corset Bustier instead of dressing like Eddie, the stupid fuck) and dancing the Time Warp and you had....well, I don't know what you had, but it was a lot of fun when I was a teenager, before I got old enough to realize Fridays were for drinking and getting laid. Yes, it was stupid and juvenile, but then so is adolescence. I realize what I was doing there at 15, but I've never figured out what the adults in the room were doing there. Do they even have midnight screenings of the RHPS anymore?

Dammit Janet
Hey, Janet
Yes, Brad?
I've got something to say(Then say it asshole)
Uh huh?
I really love the.(Skuh..Skuh..Skuh..8 letters, starts with s)..skillful way
You beat the other girls(WITH WIPS AND CHAINS!)
To the bride's bouquet
Oh...oh, Brad

Denton, The Home of Happiness

Over At The Frankenstein Place

(Describe your pussy Janet)
In the velvet darkness
Of the blackest night
(How are your STDs?)Burning bright
(What's up you ass?)There's a guiding star
No matter what or who you are

The Time Warp

(How's your sex life Riff?)
It's astounding
(What is time like?)Time is fleeting
(What's your favorite ska band?)Madness (What does a bell do?)takes its toll
But listen closely
(For how long?)
Not for very much longer
(How many balls do you have?)
I've got to keep control

Pope Francis Decries ‘Insults’ as a Form of Homicide
Kind of a sensationalist headline, but what he's quoted as saying seem to be generally in line with Christian doctrine.

Speaking of homicide, NJ journalist dies 6 months after brutal ‘hate crime’ attack

I wonder why we haven't heard more abut this race-based hate crime? It's a mystery.

Sweet Transvestite

(There's not much call and response in the first part of this song, at least nobody did at the cinema near my house. Everyone just usually sang along with Tim Curry as he chewed enough scenery for 7 movies)

How do you do
I see you've met my faithful handyman
He's just a little brought down because
When you knocked
He thought you were the candyman
Don't get strung out by the way I look
Don't judge a book by its cover
I'm not much of a man by the light of day
But by night I'm one hell of a lover
I'm just a sweet transvestite
From Transexual, Transylvania

Sword of Damocles

(The entertainment here was watching whoever was cosplaying Rocky run around the theater chased by whoever was playing Frank.)

The Sword of Damocles is hanging over my head
And I've got the feeling someone's gonna be cutting the thread
Oh, woe is me
My life is a misery
Oh, can't you see
That I'm at the start of a pretty big downer
I woke up this morning with a start when I fell out of bed

A Better Man Never Lifted A Spade

Bodysnatching in 19th century Baltimore. No to make a sex toy like Frank in the movie (actually, I dunno what platform he built Rocky on, but it probably wasn't a dead body. Later on we see that Rocky is impervious to “a laser capable of emitting a beam of pure anti-matter” ), but for medical schools, to teach and learn anatomy in a more primitive time.

I Can Make You A Man

(What are you Frank)A weakling (How much do you weigh?)weighing ninety-eight pounds
Will get sand in his face
When kicked to the ground(groin)
And soon in the gym
With a determined chin
The sweat from his pores
As he works for his cause
Will make him glisten
(What toothpaste do you use?)And gleam, and with massage
And just a little bit of steam
He'll be pink and quite clean
He'll be a strong man
Oh, honey!

Onward, my noble steed! The story behind the woodpecker-riding weasel

Hot Patootie - Bless My Soul

Whatever happened to Saturday night?
When you dressed up sharp and you felt alright
It don't seem the same since cosmic light
Came into my life, I thought I was divine
I used to go for a ride with a chick who'd go
And listen to the music on the radio
A saxophone was blowing on a Rock and Roll show
We climbed in the back seat, really had a good time
Hot patootie, bless my soul
Really love that Rock and Roll

Getting An Elephant Massage In Thailand Might Not Be A Good Idea

I'm of two minds here. Yes, if the elephants are being mistreated, by all means the practice should be avoided. But from the article it seems that the objection is that they are kept as working pets and not left alone in the wild. Well, fair enough, but so are dogs and cats.

Touch-A, Touch-A, Touch Me

(This number comes right after Frank bangs Rocky and Brad and also Janet, and just before Janet bangs Rocky. It's where the really filthy audience stuff starts in earnest)

I was feeling done in
(You're a winner)Couldn't win(Awww)
I'd only ever kissed before

I thought there's no use getting
Into heavy petting(Yea heavy petting!)
It only leads to trouble
And seat wetting(Yea seat wetting!)
Now all I want to know
Is how to go(blow)
I've tasted blood and I want more

If Your Daughter Says She’s Gay or Bi, She’s Probably Not

Pretty interesting article on how women form their sexuality, and what today's culture is doing to that (he says disapprovingly while in the middle of a thread reveling over the debauchery of the RHPS).

Eddie

(Dr, Scott (Great Scott! *throw toilet paper*) has a Germanic accent that makes the puns work)

From the day he was born(Not dead but born)
He was trouble(Not bass but trouble)
He was the thorn(Not the rose but the thorn)
In his mother's side(Not the front but the side)
She tried in vain(Not the snow but the vain)

But he never caused her nothing but shame (Shame, shame, shame, shame!)

Halloween costume knock-offs The last one is a parody by the Obvious Plant guys, but I'm pretty sure the rest of these come straight from the copyright counterfeiters of China, Inc.

Planet Schmanet, Janet

I'll tell you once
I won't tell you twice
You'd better wise up, Janet Weiss
Your apple pie don't taste too nice
You'd better wise up, Janet Weiss
I've laid the seed, it should be all you need
You're as sensual as a pencil
Wound up like an 'E' or first string
When we made it, did you hear a bell ring?(*Ring bell* You did bring a bell, didn't you?)
You got a block, well take my advice
You'd better wise up, Janet Weiss
The Transducer will seduce ya

NSFW VIDEO: Drunk Woman Pees in Men's Urinal at Dolphins Game

I wouldn't be surprised if they had a scene like this in the uncut version. Well, maybe not in 1975. But if they remade it today? No question.

Rose Tint My World

It was great when it all began
I was a regular Frankie fan(Les-bi-an)
But it was over when he had the plan
To start working on a muscle man
Now the only thing that gives me hope
Is my love of a certain dope(Is smoking dope!)
Rose tints my world
Keeps me safe from my trouble and pain

New York coffee shop fined $300 by Sanitation Department for sign announcing how many cups they've kept out of landfill

Fanfare/Don't Dream It

Whatever happened to Fay Wray?(She went ape shit)
That delicate satin draped frame(in ape shit?)
As it clung to her thigh, how I started to cry(Over ape shit?)
'Cause I wanted to be dressed just the same(in ape shit?)
Give yourself over to absolute pleasure
Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh
Erotic nightmares beyond any measure
And sensual daydreams to treasure forever
Can't you just see it. Whoa ho ho!

You need the sound on to appreciate this one

Wild and Untamed Thing

(Whose pool is this Frank?)

My my my
My my my my my
My my my my
My my
I'm a wild and an untamed thing
I'm a bee with a deadly sting
You get a hit and your mind goes ping
Your heart'll pump and your blood will sing
So let the party and the sounds rock on
We're gonna shake it 'till the life has gone
Rose tint my world
Keep me safe from my trouble and pain

Arkansas Man gives Florida Man a run for his money

More at link

I'm Going Home

(When I was 15, this was my favorite song, because the audience participation parts made it the dirtiest one of all. Yeah, well, I'm not 15 anymore, but fuckkit, here's the whole thing.

On the day I went away
Goodbye
Was all I had to say
Now I
I want to come again and stay(So does Brad)
Oh my
(What do you do when you masturbate?)Smile, (And what's it mean)and that will mean I may(came)
'Cause I've seen blue skies(Brad's balls)
Through the tears in my eyes
And I realize (That you're ugky when you're wet. Don't smear the makeup!)I'm going home
I'm going home
(WHere do you masturbate?)Everywhere, (And how's it been?)it's been the same
Feeling
(What doe it fel like when Brad comes in your face?)Like I'm outside in the rain
Wheeling
(How much to you charge for a BJ?)Free to try and find a game
Dealing
Cards for sorrow(*deal cards into the air* 1. 2. 3.)
Cards for pain(4.5.6. *throw rest of cards into the air. You did bring a deck of cards, right?)
'Cause I've seen blue skies(Brad's balls)
Through the tears in my eyes
And I realize (That you look like a fucking racoon)I'm going home
I'm going home
I'm going home
(Ladies and Gentlemen, the Beltway cinemas is proud to present, for one night, and one night only, the NBC peacock!)(visual joke)
I'm going home

Disney World’s Big Secret: It’s a Favorite Spot to Scatter Family Ashes

Science Fiction/Double Feature (Reprise)

(Nobody likes Superheros anyway, and besides, I'm tired of writing this and out of links. Tonight's ONT has been brought to you by cocks:)

Science fiction, double feature
Frank has built and lost his creature
Darkness has conquered Brad and Janet
The servants gone to a distant planet
Wo oh oh oh oh oh
At the late night, double feature, picture show
I want to go
Oh oh oh oh
To the late night, double feature, Oh En Teeeeeee.

Annnnd, cut. That's a wrap, people.

posted by WeirdDave at 09:58 PM

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