Sunday Overnight Open Thread (5/27/18 ) Gone Fishin' Edition

Ouch!

1 My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”

2 My mother taught me RELIGION.

"You better pray that will come out of the carpet.

3 My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

4 My father taught me LOGIC.

"Because I said so, that's why.”

5 My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .

"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me.”

6 My mother taught me FORESIGHT.

"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.”

7 My father taught me IRONY.

"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.”

8 My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.

"Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”

9 My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.

"Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.

"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.

"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.

"If I told you once, I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate!”

13. My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .

"Stop acting like your father!”

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do.”

16.My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.

"Just wait until we get home.”

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING

"You are going to get it from your father when you get home!”

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.”

19. My mother taught me ESP.

"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?”

20. My father taught me HUMOR.

"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me.”

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.

"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.”

22.My mother taught me GENETICS.

"You're just like your father.”

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.

"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”

24. My mother taught me WISDOM

"When you get to be my age, you'll understand.”

25. My father taught me about JUSTICE .

"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!”

To be honest with you, I heard more of these than I didn't hear.

When you're canoeing down a river and see you a critter. Leave the damn thing alone. OK?

Don’t pull rattlesnakes out of the water. Or alligators. Those are the common-sense takeaway from an incident involving a kayaker on the Edisto River.

Last Sunday in South Carolina, Michael Adams, 28, was kayaking with a group of friends on the Edisto River. Family members initially told investigators the snake fell from a tree onto Adams. But on Tuesday, his brothers said he yanked the snake out of the river.

Speaking of critters (This one always makes me laugh):

Now, let's put a face to stupidity the voice.

Let us take a peak at an active volcano.

Obviously, this will improve the situation and make one a Genius Award Winner.

Tonight's ONT has been brought to you by Mustache.

Notice: Posted with permission by AceCorp, LLC. Ikea canoes were not used in the drafting of this ONT.

posted by Misanthropic Humanitarian at 10:00 PM

| Access Comments