Ace of Spades HQ

« Ace of Spades Pet Thread | Main | Saturday Evening Movie Thread 08-26-2017 [Hosted By: TheJamesMadison] »

August 26, 2017

Saturday Afternoon Chess/Open Thread (Featuring Dress Pr0n) 08-26-2017

chess masters by oscargrafias deviantart.jpg

Chess Masters by Oscar Grafias
(click to embiggen)

Good afternoon morons and moronettes, and welcome to the Saturday Afternoon Chess/Open Thread, the only AoSHQ thread with content specifically for all of us chess nerds who pay homage in the temple of Caïssa, goddess of the chessboard. Also, dress pr0n. Each week, I pick out a few lovely, modest, conservative dresses for the 'ettes to admire and appraise. And, for those of you who aren't nerdly enough for chess, you can use this thread to talk about checkers, or other games, or politics, or whatever you wish, only please try to keep it civil. Nobody wants to be forced to bathe in tomatoes on a Saturday afternoon, even if it is with a bunch of cute little kids.

Problem 1 - White To Play (538)

Hint: White mates in 2

2k5/2p1b1r1/R7/pp4p1/1P5p/P3BB1P/5PP1/6K1 w - - 0 1

Problem - 2 Black To Play (554)

Hint: Black mates in 4

8/4k3/4Pq2/8/2P5/1P4p1/P3Q1P1/6Kn b - - 0 1

Spendy Chess Items

'Ette bluebell sent me this link to a custom-built decorative chess set made from mammoth ivory, carved to look like nood guys doing an interpretive dance.

I say "decorative" because I can't imagine playing an actual game on it. Look at it, and at other photos at the link. The pieces are beautifully carved, but I have no idea which ones are supposed to be which.

Only $90,000.

And you have to allow 24-36 weeks lead time. This is not a set they can afford to have a lot of stock sitting around just waiting for buyers.

Update: According to bluebell, the chess set was inspired by this video.

The House of Staunton has its own collectors' edition, carved from mammoth ivory (there must be a lot of it about), and the price is "only" $13,000.

Click To Embiggen

Me, I'd rather have this watch, which is a replica of the pocket watch American Chess Master Paul Morphy was presented with from the Testimonial Committee of the New York Chess Club. The "hour" numbers on the dial have been replaced with little chess symbols. Nobody knows what happened to the one originally given to Morphy, but the original dial survives and is located in a watch museum.

Limited Edition of 25 pieces in Stainless Steel. $13,900.00
Limited Edition of 5 pieces in 18K Rose Gold. $29,900.00
Limited Edition of 3 pieces in Platinum. $39,900.00

Problem 3 - White To Play (BWTC 81)

Hint: White mates in 6

4kb1r/pp3ppp/q3b3/6Q1/1n1N4/2r1B3/PPP2PPP/2KRR3 w k - 0 1

Problem 4 - White To Play (494)

Hint: White mates in 6

R3R3/5prk/3rp2p/3p1b2/2q2P2/6P1/4P1BP/Q5K1 w - - 0 1

Endgame of the Week (503)

White to play. Can he force the black king out of there to queen his pawn, and, if so, how?

Hint: Let the pawn go and get it later at a more opportune time

5k2/4p2p/6P1/3K4/8/4B3/8/8 w - - 0 1

Dress Pr0n For The 'Ettes

Audrey Hepburn & Grace Kelly - backstage at the 1956 academy awards pic.twitter.com/p93CB92bp4
— Lost In History (@HistoryToLearn) July 23, 2017

Here are some dresses-with-hat pics I didn't get to last week:

___________

Solutions Update

Problem 1 - White To Play

2k5/2p1b1r1/R7/pp4p1/1P5p/P3BB1P/5PP1/6K1 w - - 0 1

1.Bc6!

This cuts off the d7 escape square.

1...axb4

Or any other move, it doesn't matter. Black cannot prevent

2.Ra8#

Problem - 2 Black To Play

8/4k3/4Pq2/8/2P5/1P4p1/P3Q1P1/6Kn b - - 0 1

1... Qa1+!
2. Qf1 Qd4+
3. Kxh1

If 3.Qf2 then 3...gxf2+ 4.Kf1 Qd1#

3...Qh4+
4.Kg1 Qh2#

Problem 3 - White To Play

4kb1r/pp3ppp/q3b3/6Q1/1n1N4/2r1B3/PPP2PPP/2KRR3 w k - 0 1

1.Qd8+ Kxd8
2.Nxe6+ Ke7

If 2...Ke8 then 3.Nxg7+ Bxg7 (3...Ke7 4.Bg5#) 4.Bg5+ Be5 (or 4...Qe6) 5.Rd8#

3.Bg5+ f6
4.Nd8+ Re3
5.Rxe3+ Qe6
6.Rxe6#

Problem 4 - White To Play

R3R3/5prk/3rp2p/3p1b2/2q2P2/6P1/4P1BP/Q5K1 w - - 0 1

1. Rh8+! Kg6
2. Rxh6+ Kxh6
3. Qf6+ Kh7

If not Kh7 then 3...Kh5 4.Rh8+ Kg4 (4...Rh7 5.Qg5#) 5.Bf3#

-or-

3...Bg6 4.Qg5+ Kh7 5.Qh4+ Bh5 6.Qxh5#

4.Qh4+ Kg6
5.Qg5+ Kh7
6.Qh5#

Endgame of the Week

5k2/4p2p/6P1/3K4/8/4B3/8/8 w - - 0 1

White needs to secure his pawn. Without it, he cannot win.

1.Bh6+ Kg8
2.g7

The pawn is now secure.

2...e6+

DO NOT TAKE THE PAWN! It's stalemate if he does.

3.Kd6 Kf7
4.Ke5 Kg8

Now White will force Black to advance his free pawn.

5.Kf6 e5
6.Ke6 e4
7.Kf6 e3
8.Bxe3 h6
9.Bxh6 Kh7

And now Black's king is forced out.

10.Kf7 Kxh6
11.g8=Q and wins

Hope to see you all next week!

___________

Note: that cryptic line of letters and numbers you see underneath each board diagram is a representation of the position in what is known as "Forsyth-Edwards Notation", or F.E.N. It's actually readable by humans. Most computer applications nowadays can read FEN, so those of you who may want to study the position, you can copy the line of FEN and paste into your chess app and it should automatically recreate the position on its display board. Or, Windows users can just "triple click" on it and the entire line will be highlighted so you can copy and past it into your chess app.

___________

So that about wraps it up for this week. Chess thread tips, suggestions, bribes, rumors, threats, and insults may be sent to my yahoo address: OregonMuse little-a-in-a-circle yahoo dott com.

posted by OregonMuse at 05:45 PM

| Access Comments


Advertise Here! Intermarkets' Privacy Policy Support Donate to Ace of Spades HQ! Contact Ace: aceofspadeshq at gee mail.com Buck: buck.throckmorton at protonmail.com CBD: cbd at cutjibnewsletter.com joe mannix: mannix2024 at proton.me MisHum: petmorons at gee mail.com J.J. Sefton: sefton at cutjibnewsletter.com Recent Entries Wednesday Overnight Open Thread - July 30, 2025 [TRex] Hoodoo Cafe Two More Trump Victories: Signs Deal With South Korea -- 0% Tariff on American Imports, 15% on Korean Imports -- and Forces Fake-Ivy University Brown to Drop DEI and Men in Women's Sports Steve Jobs' Widow's Vanity Magazine The Atlantic: Everyone Hates Jasmine Ratchet Two of the Criminal Thugs from the Cincinnati Street Lynching Are Arrested, But At Least One is Released on a $400 Bond, as Morbidly Obese DEI Police Chief Blames the Beating on the Bartender Who "Overserved" the Thugs Kamala Harris: I'm Not Running for California Governor, I'll Be Keeping My Options Open for Any Other Ways I Can Serve the People In the Future (Like in 2028, Maybe) GDP Grows Strong 3% in Second Quarter The Fiercely Heterosexual Cory "Ssspartacuss" Booker Yells Like a Mental Patient In His Latest TikTok Stunt While Democrats Pump Iron for Communism GAINZZZ Terrorist Training Camp UCLA Pays Out Big Settlement to Jewish Students for Permitting a "Jew Exclusion Zone" on Campus Reports: King Charles Is "Appalled" By Trump's Comments That "Bad People" Are Coming to Europe on Boats and This Will "Ruin" Europe Absent Friends Jay Guevara 2025 Jim Sunk New Dawn 2025 Jewells45 2025 Bandersnatch 2024 GnuBreed 2024 Captain Hate 2023 moon_over_vermont 2023 westminsterdogshow 2023 Ann Wilson(Empire1) 2022 Dave In Texas 2022 Jesse in D.C. 2022 OregonMuse 2022 redc1c4 2021 Tami 2021 Chavez the Hugo 2020 Ibguy 2020 Rickl 2019 Joffen 2014 AoSHQ Writers Group A site for members of the Horde to post their stories seeking beta readers, editing help, brainstorming, and story ideas. Also to share links to potential publishing outlets, writing help sites, and videos posting tips to get published. Contact OrangeEnt for info: maildrop62 at proton dot me Cutting The Cord And Email Security Cutting The Cord [Joe Mannix (not a cop)] Cutting The Cord: It's Easier Than You Think [Blaster] Private Email and Secure Signatures [Hogmartin] Moron Meet-Ups Texas MoMe 2025: 10/17/2025-10/18/2025 Corsicana,TX Contact Ben Had for info	« Ace of Spades Pet Thread \| Main \| Saturday Evening Movie Thread 08-26-2017 [Hosted By: TheJamesMadison] » August 26, 2017 Saturday Afternoon Chess/Open Thread (Featuring Dress Pr0n) 08-26-2017 Chess Masters by Oscar Grafias (click to embiggen) Good afternoon morons and moronettes, and welcome to the Saturday Afternoon Chess/Open Thread, the only AoSHQ thread with content specifically for all of us chess nerds who pay homage in the temple of Caïssa, goddess of the chessboard. Also, dress pr0n. Each week, I pick out a few lovely, modest, conservative dresses for the 'ettes to admire and appraise. And, for those of you who aren't nerdly enough for chess, you can use this thread to talk about checkers, or other games, or politics, or whatever you wish, only please try to keep it civil. Nobody wants to be forced to bathe in tomatoes on a Saturday afternoon, even if it is with a bunch of cute little kids. Problem 1 - White To Play (538) Hint: White mates in 2 2k5/2p1b1r1/R7/pp4p1/1P5p/P3BB1P/5PP1/6K1 w - - 0 1 Problem - 2 Black To Play (554) Hint: Black mates in 4 8/4k3/4Pq2/8/2P5/1P4p1/P3Q1P1/6Kn b - - 0 1 Spendy Chess Items 'Ette bluebell sent me this link to a custom-built decorative chess set made from mammoth ivory, carved to look like nood guys doing an interpretive dance. I say "decorative" because I can't imagine playing an actual game on it. Look at it, and at other photos at the link. The pieces are beautifully carved, but I have no idea which ones are supposed to be which. Only $90,000. And you have to allow 24-36 weeks lead time. This is not a set they can afford to have a lot of stock sitting around just waiting for buyers. Update: According to bluebell, the chess set was inspired by this video. The House of Staunton has its own collectors' edition, carved from mammoth ivory (there must be a lot of it about), and the price is "only" $13,000. Click To Embiggen Me, I'd rather have this watch, which is a replica of the pocket watch American Chess Master Paul Morphy was presented with from the Testimonial Committee of the New York Chess Club. The "hour" numbers on the dial have been replaced with little chess symbols. Nobody knows what happened to the one originally given to Morphy, but the original dial survives and is located in a watch museum. Limited Edition of 25 pieces in Stainless Steel. $13,900.00 Limited Edition of 5 pieces in 18K Rose Gold. $29,900.00 Limited Edition of 3 pieces in Platinum. $39,900.00 Problem 3 - White To Play (BWTC 81) Hint: White mates in 6 4kb1r/pp3ppp/q3b3/6Q1/1n1N4/2r1B3/PPP2PPP/2KRR3 w k - 0 1 Problem 4 - White To Play (494) Hint: White mates in 6 R3R3/5prk/3rp2p/3p1b2/2q2P2/6P1/4P1BP/Q5K1 w - - 0 1 Endgame of the Week (503) White to play. Can he force the black king out of there to queen his pawn, and, if so, how? Hint: Let the pawn go and get it later at a more opportune time 5k2/4p2p/6P1/3K4/8/4B3/8/8 w - - 0 1 Dress Pr0n For The 'Ettes Audrey Hepburn & Grace Kelly - backstage at the 1956 academy awards pic.twitter.com/p93CB92bp4 — Lost In History (@HistoryToLearn) July 23, 2017 Here are some dresses-with-hat pics I didn't get to last week: ___________ Solutions Update Problem 1 - White To Play 2k5/2p1b1r1/R7/pp4p1/1P5p/P3BB1P/5PP1/6K1 w - - 0 1 1.Bc6! This cuts off the d7 escape square. 1...axb4 Or any other move, it doesn't matter. Black cannot prevent 2.Ra8# Problem - 2 Black To Play 8/4k3/4Pq2/8/2P5/1P4p1/P3Q1P1/6Kn b - - 0 1 1... Qa1+! 2. Qf1 Qd4+ 3. Kxh1 If 3.Qf2 then 3...gxf2+ 4.Kf1 Qd1# 3...Qh4+ 4.Kg1 Qh2# Problem 3 - White To Play 4kb1r/pp3ppp/q3b3/6Q1/1n1N4/2r1B3/PPP2PPP/2KRR3 w k - 0 1 1.Qd8+ Kxd8 2.Nxe6+ Ke7 If 2...Ke8 then 3.Nxg7+ Bxg7 (3...Ke7 4.Bg5#) 4.Bg5+ Be5 (or 4...Qe6) 5.Rd8# 3.Bg5+ f6 4.Nd8+ Re3 5.Rxe3+ Qe6 6.Rxe6# Problem 4 - White To Play R3R3/5prk/3rp2p/3p1b2/2q2P2/6P1/4P1BP/Q5K1 w - - 0 1 1. Rh8+! Kg6 2. Rxh6+ Kxh6 3. Qf6+ Kh7 If not Kh7 then 3...Kh5 4.Rh8+ Kg4 (4...Rh7 5.Qg5#) 5.Bf3# -or- 3...Bg6 4.Qg5+ Kh7 5.Qh4+ Bh5 6.Qxh5# 4.Qh4+ Kg6 5.Qg5+ Kh7 6.Qh5# Endgame of the Week 5k2/4p2p/6P1/3K4/8/4B3/8/8 w - - 0 1 White needs to secure his pawn. Without it, he cannot win. 1.Bh6+ Kg8 2.g7 The pawn is now secure. 2...e6+ DO NOT TAKE THE PAWN! It's stalemate if he does. 3.Kd6 Kf7 4.Ke5 Kg8 Now White will force Black to advance his free pawn. 5.Kf6 e5 6.Ke6 e4 7.Kf6 e3 8.Bxe3 h6 9.Bxh6 Kh7 And now Black's king is forced out. 10.Kf7 Kxh6 11.g8=Q and wins Hope to see you all next week! ___________ Note: that cryptic line of letters and numbers you see underneath each board diagram is a representation of the position in what is known as "Forsyth-Edwards Notation", or F.E.N. It's actually readable by humans. Most computer applications nowadays can read FEN, so those of you who may want to study the position, you can copy the line of FEN and paste into your chess app and it should automatically recreate the position on its display board. Or, Windows users can just "triple click" on it and the entire line will be highlighted so you can copy and past it into your chess app. ___________ So that about wraps it up for this week. Chess thread tips, suggestions, bribes, rumors, threats, and insults may be sent to my yahoo address: OregonMuse little-a-in-a-circle yahoo dott com. posted by OregonMuse at 05:45 PM \| Access Comments <script language="javascript" src="http://adserver.adtechus.com/addyn/3.0/5235/1131537/0/170/ADTECH;loc=700;cookie=info;target=_blank;key=key1+key2+key3+key4;grp=[group]"></script><noscript><a href="http://adserver.adtechus.com/adlink/3.0/5235/1131537/0/170/ADTECH;loc=300;key=key1+key2+key3+key4;grp=[group]" target="_blank"><img src="http://adserver.adtechus.com/adserv/3.0/5235/1131537/0/170/ADTECH;loc=300;key=key1+key2+key3+key4;grp=[group]" border="0" width="300" height="250"></a></noscript>	Recent Comments mindful webworker - real query formulations: "Older than Google? How did you live?? Alta Vist ..." ShainS -- The Marshall Plan is MORTE! [/b][/i][/s][/u]: "Atlas Shrugged in front of St. Patrick's Cathedral ..." Itinerant Alley Butcher: "I don't know much about men, admittedly, but I tho ..." [/i][/i][/i][/s][/s][/s][/b][/b][/b]Christopher R Taylor: "[i]So she’s auditioning for the role of pros ..." Mr Aspirin Factory: "Anyone in East Liberty who finds ammo, really shou ..." browndog with the rule book: "210 However, there is real bacon at the TX MoMee, ..." St. Patrick's Cathedral: "If memory serves, Atlas was a Titan, not a God. ..." COMountainMarie : "Yeah baby! Look at the Rex being on time.... Me.. ..." mindful webworker - or was it intentional? Hmmmm: "Seeing double on that video. Will it be fixed by t ..." Thomas Bender: "Dude ate an entire bloomin onion himself, who the ..." Berserker-Dragonheads Division : "The woman suing the blue angels should be made to ..." Ben Had: "TRex, well done. Of course, the "city boys" not ..." Recent Entries Wednesday Overnight Open Thread - July 30, 2025 [TRex] Hoodoo Cafe Two More Trump Victories: Signs Deal With South Korea -- 0% Tariff on American Imports, 15% on Korean Imports -- and Forces Fake-Ivy University Brown to Drop DEI and Men in Women's Sports Steve Jobs' Widow's Vanity Magazine The Atlantic: Everyone Hates Jasmine Ratchet Two of the Criminal Thugs from the Cincinnati Street Lynching Are Arrested, But At Least One is Released on a $400 Bond, as Morbidly Obese DEI Police Chief Blames the Beating on the Bartender Who "Overserved" the Thugs Kamala Harris: I'm Not Running for California Governor, I'll Be Keeping My Options Open for Any Other Ways I Can Serve the People In the Future (Like in 2028, Maybe) GDP Grows Strong 3% in Second Quarter The Fiercely Heterosexual Cory "Ssspartacuss" Booker Yells Like a Mental Patient In His Latest TikTok Stunt While Democrats Pump Iron for Communism GAINZZZ Terrorist Training Camp UCLA Pays Out Big Settlement to Jewish Students for Permitting a "Jew Exclusion Zone" on Campus Reports: King Charles Is "Appalled" By Trump's Comments That "Bad People" Are Coming to Europe on Boats and This Will "Ruin" Europe Search Search this site: Polls! Polls! Polls! Frequently Asked Questions What is the Deal with the Cowbell? Why is the Ace of Spades called "the Death Card"? The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick Primary Document: The Audio Paul Anka Haiku Contest Announcement Integrity SAT's: Entrance Exam for Paul Anka's Band AllahPundit's Paul Anka 45's Collection AnkaPundit: Paul Anka Takes Over the Site for a Weekend (Continues through to Monday's postings) George Bush Slices Don Rumsfeld Like an Fckin' Hammer Top Top Tens Democratic Forays into Erotica New Shows On Gore's DNC/MTV Network Nicknames for Potatoes, By People Who Really* Hate Potatoes Star Wars Euphemisms for Self-Abuse Signs You're at an Iraqi "Wedding Party" Signs Your Clown Has Gone Bad Signs That You, Geroge Michael, Should Probably Just Give It Up Signs of Hip-Hop Influence on John Kerry NYT Headlines Spinning Bush's Jobs Boom Things People Are More Likely to Say Than "Did You Hear What Al Franken Said Yesterday?" Signs that Paul Krugman Has Lost His Frickin' Mind All-Time Best NBA Players, According to Senator Robert Byrd Other Bad Things About the Jews, According to the Koran Signs That David Letterman Just Doesn't Care Anymore Examples of Bob Kerrey's Insufferable Racial Jackassery Signs Andy Rooney Is Going Senile Other Judgments Dick Clarke Made About Condi Rice Based on Her Appearance Collective Names for Groups of People John Kerry's Other Vietnam Super-Pets Cool Things About the XM8 Assault Rifle Media-Approved Facts About the Democrat Spy Changes to Make Christianity More "Inclusive" Secret John Kerry Senatorial Accomplishments John Edwards Campaign Excuses John Kerry Pick-Up Lines Changes Liberal Senator George Michell Will Make at Disney Torments in Dog-Hell Greatest Hitjobs The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny More Margaret Cho Abuse Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed" Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means Wonkette's Stand-Up Act Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report! Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet The House of Love: Paul Krugman A Michael Moore Mystery (TM) The Dowd-O-Matic! Liberal Consistency and Other Myths Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate "Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long) The Donkey ("The Raven" parody) Syndicate this site (XML) Powered by Movable Type 2.64