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July 05, 2017

News of Tremendous Consequence Which I Didn't Bother to Write About Until EOD

Should you put glitter capsules in your vagina? Maybe not, say Vagina Experts.

In fairness, this sort of thing -- women trying to come up with some kind of "I've been thinking about this all day" surprise for their men -- is greatly appreciated.

But I don't know about glitter. A1 Steak Sauce, maybe.

Should you put your penis inside a chicken? The answer may surprise you, if you're pervert who's into chickens.

Should you snort cocoa powder mixed with ginko baloba and other nonsense to give yourself some kind of combination of energy, focus, and euphoria? Experts say no, but they're killjoys.

Coco Loko’s effects last about 30 to 60 minutes, according to Anderson. He added that it gives users a “euphoric but also motivated” feeling like what you’d expect from an energy drink.

Me, personally? I'm doing a bump of Count Chocula the minute it comes back into the stores this Halloween.

Does this recently-unearthed grainy photograph show Amelia Earhart post capture by the Japanese? Specialists in things which are not total bullshit say probably not.

If I'm being honest, and I'm usually not, I'm more convinced by this video of a time traveler with what appears to be a cell phone walking on as an extra in a Charlie Chaplin movie.

Though I do love this sort of thing.

It's super-important that you don't post silly gifs which might, hypothetically, expose Chairborne Ranger reporters to even a 0.0001% chance of public heckling:

More gifs here.

This one thanks to DangerGirl:

Kathy Griffin had a lengthy visit from the US Secret Service, and the case remains open. I suppose this is like CNN telling someone they won't be outed if they don't reoffend -- except, you know, done legally by law enforcement personnel rather than Online Vigilantes.

A reporter got puked on and that sounds just fine to me.

Wendy Burch — known as @goodnewswendy on Twitter — [was] pretty much showered in vomit on July 4, while covering a so-called “ironman” competition in Hermosa Beach for the KTLA Morning News.

The competition she was covering included running, ocean paddling and, after that, the chugging of a six-pack of beer.

Like my dad always advised: Only run in moderation and only after 5pm.

And finally: I'm not sure what Heaven looks like but I'd guess it's mobbed with golden retrievers.

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posted by Ace at 07:53 PM

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