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June 01, 2017

President Trump's Manfully Orange Face to Melt Snowflakes With the Power of a Carbon-Dioxide Powered Sun

The power of this announcement, Chris Knight told me, "is like lazing a stick of solid-state carbon dioxide."

Commander-in-Chief Trump, of steely thews and intoxicating musk, will announce the withdrawal of the US from Obama's Paris Accords. Meanwhile, "True Conservatives" who long opposed it are now backtracking and suggesting maybe we should stay in. Lesser men than Trump are essentially stupid herbivore herd animals, who fear being separated from the herd, and their weak nature and need of protection compels them to always huddle close to the #SafeSpace of approved progressive consensus opinion. Oh, they can occasionally baa and low soft voices of tentative dissent when it's a purely theoretical matter, but when it comes for the herd to actually move, they are compelled by instinct and low testosterone level to rejoin the warm nestle of the Group.

Below, Leader of the Free World and Skilled Lover Donald J. Trump's tweet with an embedded video. I think this will work for people.

As we wait, Sheppard Smith is, get this, fluttering about like a little girl who just found out she's not getting a pony. Ever.



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posted by Ace at 03:22 PM

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