Friday Overnight Open Thread (4/7/17) Where Art Thou CDR-M Edition

CDR-M is off commandeering or attempting to repair his computer. So we here at The ONT drew straws. I won :)

Quotes of The Day

We lost a comic icon yesterday with the passing of Don Rickles. Never again will we see a comic of his style.

Let's check out a few Rickles quotes.

Quote I
ON FRANK SINATRA
“When you enter a room, you have to kiss his ring. I don't mind, but he has it in his back pocket.”

Quote II
ON ROOM SERVICE
“Room service is great if you want to pay $500 for a club sandwich.”

Quote III
ON BRINGING YOUR A-GAME
"You throw your best punch—otherwise, don't do it."

RIP funny man.

5 Minute Management Course

Lessons 1 thru 6

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'

'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.

'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift..

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily
and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'

Puff! He's gone.

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after
lunch.'

Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say..

Lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..

Lesson 6

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your
friend.

(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep
your mouth shut!

THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

And you think you have a shitty job.

In the 1500s, the King of England’s toilet was luxurious: a velvet-cushioned, portable seat called a close-stool, below which sat a pewter chamber pot enclosed in a wooden box. Even the king had one duty that needed attending to every day, of course, but you can bet he wasn’t going to do it on his own. From the 1500s into the 1700s, British kings appointed lucky nobles the strangely prestigious chance to perform the king’s most private task of the day, as the Groom of the Stool

50 News Bloopers.

It isn't easy being a parent. It is even more difficult when you take a very young child out in public. Been there, done that. However, the rest of society shouldn't be subjected to your children. Italian Restaurant says "Hell No" to kids under 5.

After receiving several complaints from loyal customers, the owner of an upscale Italian restaurant in Mooresville, North Carolina, has taken the controversial decision to ban children under the age of five. And, despite facing some backlash on social media, he claims that business has grown significantly.

Backlash on social media? Screw social media.

Love him, hate him. He has left his mark on music.

When you think of Dylan, you have to think of The Band.

Photographers in focus: Mark Romanek. Some interesting and down to earth photographs of famous folk.

What would a Friday ONT be without a doggeh video? An ONT hosted by that food guy, CBD.

The Staff of The ONT is in big trouble now, if we visit Russia. Gay Putin is illegal. I'm sure Susan Rice will keep our identities masked.

Those who regularly visit The ONT know that the late Bob Ross is appreciated here. Modern technology has made The Joy of Painting a trip.

I attempt to lead my life without envy or jealousy. I'm so jealous. I'm lucky if I can glue 2 Popsicle sticks together.

Sexy album covers of the past.

What better method to sell records than to put a young surfer girl on the cover? At least that’s what record companies believed throughout the 1960s and into the 80s. The beach babe was a ubiquitous sight on the shelves of the record stores, especially in the “super hits by various artists” or “easy listening” categories… and implemented mostly by countries other than the US (for whatever reason).

The ONT isn't sure if the music is as good as the covers are. You be the judge.

College kids, will be college kids.

Of course her identity has not been released, she's a dumbass Genius Award Winner.

Students who do the job of the school board. Tonight's Feel Good Story of The Day.

Tips, loose change and mismatched mittens can go here. Or here, petmorons at gmail.

Tonight's ONT has been brought to you by Three Men And A Ladder.

Notice: Posted with permission by AceCorp, LLC. Restrooms are for customers only. We do not validate parking.

posted by Misanthropic Humanitarian at 10:00 PM

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