Sponsored Content
« Anonymous Members of FBI Team Investigating Clinton: The "Vast Majority" of Us Thought She Should be Charged; This Was a "Top-Down" Decision from Comey and Lynch | Main | Wednesday's ONT is Problematic [Weirddave] »
October 12, 2016

If Anniversary Cards Told The Truth [Warden]

I hate buying cards for my wife, but for some reason they're very important to her--birthdays, Valentines Day and anniversaries are a must. A thoughtful present or a nice evening out means nothing without one.

So, whatever. I don't get it, but if it matters to her that much, then it matters to me. I have my weird quirks, too.

This doesn't make it any less painful. Hunting for the right anniversary card is particularly excruciating--the sappy writing, the cheesy poems, and, worst of all, the sad-sap schmucky, I-can't-do-anything-right apologetic ones that dominate the selection for husbands.

You know which ones I mean. They usually start with something like, "I know I don't always say it enough, but..." or "Even though I'm not the best at..."

I hate digging through these self flagellating cards. But today I started thinking about how cool they'd be if they kept things a little more real.

Here are a few ideas for these cards. Please add your own suggestions in the comment section.

I know I don't always wash certain body parts as well as I could, but...
Sometimes I'm thoughtless and sometimes I forget to pick up after myself and I know it bothers you. It doesn't seem to bother your sister with those perky little shirt pokers who's always staring at my crank, but I digress...
Even though I sometimes cover your face with a pillow for a few seconds while you're sleeping...
Even though I sometimes forget to say how pretty you are or how thankful I am that you never check my browser history...
I know I sometimes come home at 3am smelling of Thunderbird and trannie testicles, but...

digg this
posted by Open Blogger at 10:11 PM

| Access Comments

Recent Comments
SteveRic: "darkweb marketplace darknet marketplace ..."

Elton John[/i][/b][/s][/u]: "[i]I once thought of wrting an essay titled "The I ..."

LyciHot: "dark web sites dark market onion ..."

woody harrelson: "Tony Danza is such a fine actor, every role he pla ..."

Jordan61: "[I]I once thought of wrting an essay titled "The I ..."

Dave in Fla: "Anyone claiming Texas BBQ is better than Carolina ..."

Our Country is Screwed: "397 Also... If you THINK you own your house outrig ..."

azjaeger: "158 Ya know, apologizing for a show where a bunch ..."

Sponge - F*ck Joe Biden: "[i]------- I once thought of wrting an essay titl ..."

gourmand du jour: "The Ivory Billed woodpecker was also described as ..."

Hanshic: "dark market url darknet sites ..."

[/b][/i][/s][/u]Nosmo King: "If Joe Biden got Tony Danza's notecard by mistake: ..."

Recent Entries

Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64