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October 12, 2016

If Anniversary Cards Told The Truth [Warden]

I hate buying cards for my wife, but for some reason they're very important to her--birthdays, Valentines Day and anniversaries are a must. A thoughtful present or a nice evening out means nothing without one.

So, whatever. I don't get it, but if it matters to her that much, then it matters to me. I have my weird quirks, too.

This doesn't make it any less painful. Hunting for the right anniversary card is particularly excruciating--the sappy writing, the cheesy poems, and, worst of all, the sad-sap schmucky, I-can't-do-anything-right apologetic ones that dominate the selection for husbands.

You know which ones I mean. They usually start with something like, "I know I don't always say it enough, but..." or "Even though I'm not the best at..."

I hate digging through these self flagellating cards. But today I started thinking about how cool they'd be if they kept things a little more real.

Here are a few ideas for these cards. Please add your own suggestions in the comment section.

I know I don't always wash certain body parts as well as I could, but...
Sometimes I'm thoughtless and sometimes I forget to pick up after myself and I know it bothers you. It doesn't seem to bother your sister with those perky little shirt pokers who's always staring at my crank, but I digress...
Even though I sometimes cover your face with a pillow for a few seconds while you're sleeping...
Even though I sometimes forget to say how pretty you are or how thankful I am that you never check my browser history...
I know I sometimes come home at 3am smelling of Thunderbird and trannie testicles, but...

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posted by Open Blogger at 10:11 PM

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