ONT 9/30/14 - Homework Edition [krakatoa]

YeeIkes. Tuesday already.

Time flies when you have a 7 month old. Some people say it's the added responsibility, the extra work just to get an extra human being through the day, or even just a defense mechanism against remembering in vivid detail what just came out of your perfect little mini-you.

I say it's all the Scotch.

Or in this case, Bulleit Rye, which is my new favorite. It's not terribly pricey, it has a unique flavor, it's smooth, and after the first sip or two, it completely dulls the pain of Val-U-Rite Vodka's well known side effect, open throat ulcers. Or, according to science, Cancer. But then you give a moron enough of anything *, and he or she is sure to get some disease.

So I volunteered to be your Tuesday diversion. Your regularly scheduled ONT host has better things to do, although we promised to tell the regular readers that he misses them greatly, and it is with great regret that he had to foist you off on guest bloggers so that he could pursue "job responsibilities". And then he said something about some tentacle pr0n conference, and a asked whether "these rhinestones make my Cthulothario costume too 'effeminate'". We assured him it was probably the Freddy Mercury mustache, of all things, that was making people uncomfortable.

Anyway, on to the festivities.

Let's get the ugly out up top. After that opening, I know what everyone is thinking: "Homework? Double-U, Tee-Eff?"

I don't know how many of you read the sidebar.

Hell, I don't know if any of you can actually read. Much less type. I certainly don't follow up on the comments and try to decipher what most often can be charitably described as the crack-addled spasms of a 3-fingered epileptic. **

But for those of you that can read, and can form complete sentences, did you happen to check out the sidebar item on creepy "true" reddit stories?

I blew more time than I like to admit there, having experienced my share of crazy stuff in my life. Haunted house, haunted apartment, UFO sighting, the drive by Area 51 complete with crazy giant jackrabbits vaulting our vehicle while we did 50 mph and ghostly flying creatures that could best be described as albino giant bats... and I know it's all true because I have super-explicit memories of them. You might say those memories are scientific.

So tomorrow, I want you to blow off work, or slut-shaming, or whatever your day job is and read some of those stories to get in the mood, and then tomorrow night, just crap all over that ONT with your own creepy stories.

Or hell, be a real go-getter and post them here tonight for extra credit.

I got nothing with meat to talk about. Slow news day, and you can only talk about Obama's snowballing sideshow of a presidency so often.

Maybe some fun pictures to soften the experience.

Obama's response to various scandals, crises and golf junkets as described by the MSM:

Obama's various solutions, in reality:

I had this in my back pocket --- apologies if this made a previous ONT, but it segues in with the concept of unintended consequences when the government decides to DO ANYTHING! Among other things, more cobras than you can shake a press secretary at.

But that's no fun. Let's see... how about something that will provide some distraction from the existential nightmare that is the contemporary Western world.

I know what you're thinking. Family Feud, amiright? This is a list of FF answers that "Caused Steve Harvey to Lose His Faith In Humanity."

That said, I think the response to this one was about as affirming as you could possibly hope for.

This ONT brought to you by Male Models. Because chicks need support too.

* Especially: Spare Time.

**

Also: If you have a little extra, think about giving to LibertyChick.

posted by Open Blogger at 12:00 AM

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