Sponsored Content




Intermarkets' Privacy Policy
Support


Donate to Ace of Spades HQ!



Recent Entries
Absent Friends
Bandersnatch 2024
GnuBreed 2024
Captain Hate 2023
moon_over_vermont 2023
westminsterdogshow 2023
Ann Wilson(Empire1) 2022
Dave In Texas 2022
Jesse in D.C. 2022
OregonMuse 2022
redc1c4 2021
Tami 2021
Chavez the Hugo 2020
Ibguy 2020
Rickl 2019
Joffen 2014
AoSHQ Writers Group
A site for members of the Horde to post their stories seeking beta readers, editing help, brainstorming, and story ideas. Also to share links to potential publishing outlets, writing help sites, and videos posting tips to get published. Contact OrangeEnt for info:
maildrop62 at proton dot me
Cutting The Cord And Email Security
Moron Meet-Ups

NoVaMoMe 2024: 06/08/2024
Arlington, VA
Details to follow


Texas MoMe 2024: 10/18/2024-10/19/2024 Corsicana,TX
Contact Ben Had for info





















« The World is Stupid - Also MNF | Main | Top Headline Comments 9-30-14 »
September 29, 2014

Overnight Open Thread -- 9/29/2014: Corpulent RINO Edition

Good evening, 'Rons n' 'Ettes! It's been a spell since I was last permitted to darken the hallowed pages of AoSHQ. But, since your regular ONT provider purportedly has something more important to do, and I called dibs for tonight's iteration, I reckon you'll just have to swallow hard and accept whatever half-assed excuse for infotainment I manage to cobble together in the next couple of hours, or so.

Some of you may recall that I was a bartender the last time I encroached upon this otherwise estimable space. Well, thanks to a shitstorm apocalyptic proportion, I was unceremoniously relieved of those duties a little over a month ago. Since then, I've found employment in a somewhat different industry -- that is, chicken farming. I learned a lot in my first few weeks as a farmhand, first and foremost being that I'm too damned fat and out of shape to be a farmhand. Here's a fair approximation of the physical activity I typically engaged in prior to my unexpected career change.


But, after a few weeks of perseverance through searing agony, my body has adapted to the demands of the job. Yes, I'm still dog-tired at the end of the day, but I can manage a full day of carrying feed buckets the length of eight 520' chicken barns, doubling back several times in each one. And I'm doing it largely without pain. The only problem is, I'm old. And, being old, I didn't seem to be shedding the considerable beer gut I'd developed over years of tending bar. And, frankly, I'm highly skeptical of recent studies showing that the ladies quite dig men sporting the distended abdomen look.

According to a recent study commissioned to mark the DVD release of “Bad Neighbors,” starring Zac Efron and Seth Rogen, three in four British women prefer men with a bit of a belly over one rocking washboard abs when it comes to relationships.

----------

The full results of the study are here, but the basic verdict is women prefer relationships with a man who makes them feel confident, not threatened. A man with a bit of a gut is likely not as concerned with appearances as a gym rat may be. Ergo, we feel less judged.

While that may be a comforting thought, experience has taught me otherwise. You don't just stroll up to some babe at the grocery store with a John Goodman physique and expect David Beckham results -- at least not of you're a blue-collar schlub like myself. And, with that in mind, I've decided to make some minor lifestyle adjustments.

Now, let me just stipulate that I'm not angling for the washboard stomach that's all the rage these days. That doesn't strike me as a realistic goal at this point. You see, I'm a man of appetites with an unfortunate tendency toward inertia in my downtime. I'm no Glenn Reynolds; this is about as close to six pack abs as I'm likely to get anytime soon:

But, I do have reasonably good muscle tone for a dude with four-plus decades on the planet -- especially for one who's spent as much time holding down barstools as I have. And I have no plans to eliminate that [in]activity from my admittedly debauched lifestyle. But, I have made some adjustments -- like cutting back on the beer and going back to a couple of old favorites: cheap scotch and gin and tonic. For those of you who may also have a taste for cheap scotch and have yet to try it, allow me to humbly recommend Hankey Bannister.

As I said, I am a man of appetites, and I'm not keen on denying them. And, yes, that does make losing the gut a bit of a challenge. But, some years ago, I came up with a system that worked pretty well for me. Essentially, I stopped all between-meal eating and started eating less fattening foods by cutting back on bread, potatoes [my greatest weakness], and sugar. Not foregoing them completely, mind you, but eating them in smaller quantities while making an effort to eat more of the things I like that are actually pretty good for me. I do this Monday through Saturday. And then, when Sunday comes around, I eat whatever the hell I want to eat, and as much as I want of it.

Obviously, that won't work for everyone. But, it worked for me the last time I tried it, and it seems to be working for me now. But, there are other ways of dropping a few pounds that aren't tantamount to masochism. Some scientist at Cornell thinks he's come up with a few.

“One thing that happens with people who are overweight is that they often feel their situation isn’t solvable, and they are on the verge of giving up,” explains Wansink. “What we’ve found over and over is that making one small change, like eating off a smaller plate, leads to a small weight loss, and then that triggers making more changes. Within a year, a person’s lost 35 pounds without ever ‘dieting.’ That’s our goal.”

-------

“It’s so much easier to be ‘slim by design’ than by using willpower,” Wansink says. “You make one change, it’s done. Willpower is a 24/7 unending job.”

I have no idea how much weight I've lost. I don't even own a scale. I judge my weight by simply looking down at my waist from time to time, and by which holes in my belt I have to use to keep my pants up. I've cinched my belt up two holes over the past two weeks. That's probably a hundred pounds. Idunno. And all I've had to do is eat more green beans and salads, drink unsweetened tea and water (sometimes with lemon) instead of sweet tea and soft drinks with meals, and not run to the freezer for ice cream just before bedtime.

And, with a little diligence, maybe the next time I find myself on vacation in Panama City Beach, I won't be mortified at the notion of walking around shirtless on the beach. Speaking of which, here are a few shots I grabbed while I was there about a month ago:

digg this
posted by Damn Dirty RINO at 10:33 PM

| Access Comments




Recent Comments
garrett: ">>Virgin Rock. I think she's originally German. Sh ..."

Philip: "[i]107 We Baptists can drink alcohol...[/i] Spi ..."

tubal: "111 We Baptists can drink alcohol... Posted by: t ..."

Catch Thirty-Thr33: "There's one Harpist that does those and I can watc ..."

Way, Way Downriver [/i][/b]: "Any truth to the claim that minutes after Trump pa ..."

illiniwek: ""Guilty as hell, free as a bird" Obama's ghost ..."

Diogenes: "We Baptists can drink alcohol... Posted by: tubal ..."

OrangeEnt: "Yeah, I don't get those either. You can tell the " ..."

iHeart Radio: "There’s a podcast about people who give no s ..."

pookysgirl, Rush Baby: "Podcasts are just radio talk shows, with video. ..."

tubal: "We Baptists can drink alcohol... ..."

garrett: "I like the reaction videos done by the Classical M ..."

Recent Entries
Search


Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64