This. Is. Stupid.

@benk84 linked this in the morning dump thread, but it's dumb enough that we need to pay attention.

Mollie Hemingway examines the unhinged reaction of unthinking progressives who are attacking Sofia Vergara today, while just the day before they'd showered Beyonce with unreasonable praise.

Both women showed off their bodies in an awards show. Sofia Vergara stood upon a rotating podium so that people could admire her curves while someone from the television academy droned a bunch of boring filler material. It was intended as a joke -- that they knew what the guy was saying was lame, so they had a pretty girl on stage.

"What truly matters," the Boring Guy said at the end of his boring speech, "is that we never forget that our success is based on always giving the viewer something compelling to watch."

Okay it's not funny, but neither was Seth Meyers, and I don't hear calls for his public stoning.

Beyonce, meanwhile, did a lot of very sexual bumping-and-grinding, and wore less clothing that Sofia Vergara.

The difference seems to be that while Sofia Vergara allowed herself to be viewed by men as a sex object, Beyonce not only allowed herself to be viewed by men as a sex object, but also "took ownership of her sexuality," and by "took ownership of her sexuality," I mean she grabbed her cooch.

You can watch Sofia Vergara's skit here, and you can watch Beyonce here.

It reminds me of Spinal Tap, these absurd distinctions people make just to hear themselves talk.

This all proves the theory of evolution to me. I'll tell you why. Because while people seem to be using human words and human reasoning in their discussions, I don't hear human words and human reasoning most of the time.

I hear the hooting of apes. I hear apes hooting their approval for the Boss Ape and hooting their disapproval of a Rival Ape who seems to be challenging the Boss Ape, but isn't quite as explosive in his arm movements and leaf-and-twig-upsetting as the Boss Ape.

I hear hooting apes, who are using human speech to disguise the fact that they're just engaging in primitive ape hooting, and they use the masquerade of human-sounding speech primarily to hide their ape hooting from themselves.

posted by Ace at 01:00 PM

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