Sunday Thread: It's A Sport [Y-not]

Good morning!

The final major of the year is this weekend: the PGA Championship, which is being held at Valhalla Golf Club in Louisville, Kentucky this year. You can check out the course layout here.

The course favors long strikers, so most are giving the edge to the "younger, fitter" players, like Rory McIlroy (-12), Bernd Wiesberger (-12), and Rickie Fowler (-11). But my personal favorite, Phil Mickelson, is hanging tough at 10 under par! Tiger flamed out spectacularly after two rounds, missing the cut by five strokes at +6, proving there is a Lord in Heaven.

Television coverage starts at 11 a.m. on TNT, then switches to CBS at 2 p.m. (I hate that golf does this, but I guess it's a function of the length of play and economics. The only thing wackier is the bizarre coverage for the Westminster Kennel Club Show.) Other ways to follow the round, including on-line, are here at SB Nation.

Now on to the controversial issue of whether or not golf qualifies as a sport, at least by American sport standards:

Requirement: Iconic "stadiums"

Americans' favorite two sports, football and especially baseball, are known for their famous ball parks whose distinctiveness lends not only color to the game, but also affects the players' performances.

I submit to you that the PGA tour has the most beautiful and iconic playing venues in American sports. One of my favorites is Monterey Peninsula Country Club:

Requirement: Rowdy fans

It's not unusual to hear about drunken fans falling off the upper deck at a baseball park or causing trouble in a football stadium, but did you know golf fans can be rowdy, too? The one I'm most familiar with is the Phoenix Open, where rowdy fans at the 16th hole are a point of pride.

Requirement: Injuries

Injuries are a part of American sports, whether it be Joe Theisman's leg on the football field or the recent horrible injury suffered by Indiana Pacers star Paul George on the basketball court. (I won't link to it, but I gather it is even worse than Theisman's injury.)

What about golf? Well, in the past week of following the PGA Tour, which is also starting to gear up to deciding on teams to play in the Ryder Cup, several players drop out due to injuries, including Kuchar, Dufner, and Woods. They may not be as dramatic as those you'll see in the other major sports, but they do happen.

Requirement: Players with drug and alcohol problems

Exhibit A: Dustin Johnson

Reports of drug use and sleeping with other tour players' wives have followed in the wake of Thursday's announcement by pro golfer Dustin Johnson that he is taking a leave of absence from the PGA Tour.

Golf.com cited an unnamed source who said Johnson failed three drug tests in the past five years, including a positive test for marijuana in 2009 and two positive tests for cocaine in 2012 and 2014.

Exhibit B: John Daly (To be fair, he says he's off the sauce, but he smokes 40 cigarettes a day and dresses like a clown on acid.)

Requirement: Bigotry

American sports are racist. And sexist. And anti-ghey. So in order for golf to qualify, we need to see some evidence of that in the PGA Tour.

Well, there's the clearly bigoted nature of a golf club called "Valhalla" and the long-standing #WarOnWomen conducted by Augusta National (which I'm not sure has been waived by the Progressive People That Decide Things given that Condi Rice was the woman to break the gender barrier there). And, I think we can agree that Tiger's years of knocking boots with the strange wimmens, and subsequent to downward spiral on the course, is somehow racist.

The jury is still out on whether or not there are any ghey players on the PGA Tour. But what we've learned from the NFL and Michael Sam is that no American sport is really complete without an openly ghey player of mediocre talent.

Obviously, Tiger wanted to be ghey, but was oppressed into practicing heterosexuality. Many many times.

Requirement: "Cheerleaders"

OK, maybe I'm starting to persuade you that golf is a sport, but what about the most important factor? Cheerleaders.

Well, there aren't cheerleaders as such, that's true. Then again, I think most Bears fans think that they're a professional sporting team despite their lack of buxom babes (and a quarterback).

And golf does have groupies. Plenty of them, if the rumors about Palmer, Garcia, Villegas, and Daly are true. They even pop up on the course from time to time, including this gal (Ashley Bongiovanni) who was trying to catch Rory's eye recently:

And, as with all American sports, the players' wives are generally hawt:

By the way, if your self-esteem is fragile, do NOT look up John Daly's girlfriend. Even SHE'S hawter than your girlfriend.

In conclusion, I submit to you that PGA Tour golf meets the requirements of other major American sports alongside football, baseball, basketball... but not soccer.

Don't be a hater.

**UPDATED: How about a Poll? For SCIENCE!**

posted by Open Blogger at 10:48 AM

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