Saturday Garden Blog: Pioneer Day Edition [Y-not] | Main | John Walsh: I'd Like to Clarify That When I Said I Had PTSD I Meant That I Didn't Have PTSD, and That When I Suggested That I Plagiarized Due to PTSD I Didn't Mean to Suggest PTSD Was the Cause of My Plagiarism
July 26, 2014

Holy Mackerel: Creepy Dolls Case Solved -- It Was In Fact a Well-Meaning Would-Be Santa Whose Intentions Were Misunderstood

Wouldn't it be odd, some wondered, if the Creepy Suspected Pedophile Doll-Man turned out to be a well-meaning person who just wanted to give out some nice dolls to some nice neighborhood girls?

Well, that turns out to have been the case, police say.

A well-meaning woman who knows the families and attends church with them thought leaving the dolls would be a kind gesture of friendship.

In a statement Thursday, Hallock added, "Investigators have concluded that [the neighbor's] motivation was out of goodwill and that she intended it as a kind gesture."

He added: "There will be no further investigation of this case."

Awww. Well, you know, this was her problem: She forgot that dolls are inherently creepy.

I honestly do not know why we give them to children. They're nightmare vectors.

I was going to link a video about "female doll masks" there, to prove this, but I decided I didn't want to freak you out too much. If you don't believe me, feel free, search "female doll mask" in videos.

digg this
posted by Ace at 03:00 PM

| Access Comments

Recent Comments
Fritz: "It wouldn't bother me one whit if this ditzy broad ..."

sven: "281 Posted by: Ilhan Omar at September 16, 2019 07 ..."

Gentlemen, this is democracy manifest: "W was the most beta fighter pilot, ever. He wa ..."

Insomniac: "282 Insom, I'll do a reverse Weasel and send you a ..."

boulder t'hobo: "off Greek sock. ..."

Mr. Peebles: "[i] Update: Gangs of Ilhan Omar's constituents ar ..."

Diophantes: "I saw Package In Hand open for George Michael at M ..."

Jewells45: "[i]AND I HAVE A BROKEN ELBOW.[/i] Slap a hot ir ..."

Alberta Oil Peon: "That seems to be a thing. Posted by: JackStraw at ..."

Ben Had: "Insom, I'll do a reverse Weasel and send you a pec ..."

Ilhan Omar: "Fuck you, America. ..."

Axeman: "We were warned of a backlash. I watched for a ..."

Recent Entries

Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64