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March 28, 2014

The Fake Obamacare Endorsement Game

Commenters are having fun with this email:

I am a staunch Republican, a self-proclaimed Fox News addict, and I didn't vote for the President. And I'm here to tell you that Obamacare works. I'm living proof.

I'm a chemotherapy patient, and was previously paying $428 a month for my health coverage. I was not thrilled when it was cancelled.

Then I submitted an application at HealthCare.gov. I looked at my options. And I signed up for a plan for $62 a month.

It's the best health care I have ever had.

So right now, here's what I want to tell anyone who still needs health insurance, or knows someone who does:

Sign up. Follow the instructions on the website. Apply, and look at your options. You still have time, and take it from me: This is something you want to do.

I wrote a letter to President Obama this past February to tell him about my experience with the Health Insurance Marketplace. I hoped he'd read it, and he did.

I may not be a supporter of the President. But now, I get mad when I see Obamacare dragged through the mud on television.

And even though I regularly tune in to conservative pundits, I'd like to tell them they're getting it wrong. Obamacare works.

So one more time: If you still need health insurance, you have just three days to get it. Do what I did. Go to HealthCare.gov, submit an application, and pick a plan that works for you.

It just might change your life.

I have no idea if this guy is for real, or if he's a "staunch Republican" as he claims. Commenters say his FaceBook page does contain previous anti-Obama and anti-Obamacare messages. So he may be exactly what he claims to be.

After all, Obamacare makes a lot of losers, but it will also make a (precious) few winners; at least some of those will be Republicans (even if the system is engineered to help as few Republicans as possible).

But what's a little bit funny -- and which provides fodder for a F*** It All Friday Game -- is the superficiality of his "staunch Republican" credentials.

Think about what conservative imagines a conservative to be, as opposed to what a progressive imagines a conservative to be.

Think how a conservative would describe himself, as opposed to how a progressive would describe that conservative.

A conservative would say something like:

"I'm a genuine conservative who believes in unleashing the power of the individual to make his own choices and own fate as his conscience and talent might dictate, and I'm aghast at Obama's continuing erosion of the individual in order to aggrandize the state..."

What would a progressive say, if he were trying to "think like a Republican"?

Well, he wouldn't talk about conservatism being empowering for the individual -- no, it's progressivism that's empowering for the individual. Government empowers the individual. So he wouldn't say limiting government empowers the individual, that as the state shrinks, the individual grows, and as the state grows, the citizen diminishes.

That's anathema to him. He couldn't bring himself to say that even when pretending to be a conservative.

So what would he say?

Well, he'd build his Krazy Konservative Kredentials on the most superficial, most vacuous grounds possible, insulting conservatives even as he claimed to be one.

He'd go to the progressive stereotype of a conservative and pick out one of the ten bigoted slurs that his mind associates with conservatives. You know, "God-Humpers," gun-f*ckers, that kind of thing.

But that's too obvious, isn't it? He wouldn't claim, "Hey, I believe in all that fantasy nonsense about Jesus and Easter Bunnies or whatever, so believe me when I say ObamaCare is just wonderful."

No, what he'd say is "I'm a Fox News addict." He would make his Krazy Konservative Kredentials on the basis of a trivial consumer choice.

What the hell kind of politically-animated person bases his philosophy on what TV channel he watches?

Now, the guy could be on the level. But I don't know -- if being a "Fox News addict" is what he considers to be foundational to being a strong conservative and "staunch Republican" (and note again that even this silly little self-reported credential is phrased in a manner suggesting that people who watch Fox have a problem), I can't think he's an especially committed conservative.

Committed conservatives actually go out of their way to say they're not Republicans.

If you asked me to write down ten things that make me a conservative, Fox News would not be on the list. F***, it wouldn't be on any list, even if I could list out fifty reasons.

This guy may indeed be a registered Republican, but he doesn't seem to have engaged the conservative (classic liberal) philosophy with any degree of depth. He seems ready, willing, and eager to dispense with the general principle of free markets and free people just because of a single anecdotal "winner" in a command-and-control system.

(Granted, one anecdote counts for a lot when that anecdote refers to yourself, but still: Most thoughtful people manage to set the self aside when thinking about first principles.)

Anyway, that's just a preamble for this game suggested by FenelonSpoke:

Let's have fun and make up fake names and testimonials to Obamacare.

So if you were playing the Moby and plumping Obamacare, what would you say?

Here's FenelonSpike's opening bid:

I'm Mark Christian, PhD and I live in Gainesville, FL.

I wouldn't miss going to church every Sunday and I sing in the praise band . I am a strong proponent of the second amendment, don't support abortion and didn't vote for President Obama either time. I wouldn;t miss NASCAR or FOX news. But I want you to know that I checked out the Affordable Care Act and it is both affordable and caring. Sign up Now!!!

MWR bids:

I'm Beth Abrams of Salt Lake City, UT, and I have an MBA from Brigham Young University. You could say I'm a Republican, if by "Republican" you mean "founder of the local Rush Limbaugh Dittohead Fanclub," or maybe, "the lady who DVRs every episode of The O'Reilly Factor," or even, "the one with an airbrushed Bald Eagle on the side of her Ford F-150 and a 'Reagan/Bush '84' bumper sticker." If that's what you mean by "Republican," then yeah, I guess I'm kind of a Republican.

And I'm here to tell you that Obamacare WORKS.

Matticus bids:

Hi, I'm Bill Prescott. On my way to Hobby Lobby, I stopped by a Chic-Fil-A to get a #1 with extra pickles. I usually eat while I read the latest from The Blaze, but decided to give the ACA website a shot. I'll be durned if the thing wasn't the most easy-to-navigate website I've encountered in quite some time. And the prices? Well, let me just tell you that I was very pleased. ACA rocks!

Lincolntf bids game:

Just got back from the gun range, ready to start homeschooling all nine kids. My sister-wives were busy beating the Devil out of a haunted set of curtains, so I picked up the mail. I couldn't believe my eyes! Our insurance rates have gone from $4,000 a month, without the Gout Plan, to just 14 bucks, with full Gout Coverage!

"Tex Texas" doubles:

As a severely conservative Republican, I really hate Obama. Not because he's a shitty president, but because he's black.

So anyway, a couple months ago I was leaving the monthly Klan rally and saw a gay wedding going on across the street. Naturally, I went over and curb stomped those queermos one after the other until all of a sudden, I broke my foot.

Three months later, my foot is all healed up and I didn't pay jack shit. Thanks, Obamacare!

Hollowpoint redoubles:

I'm Cliff Redmond, and am a lifelong Republican Christian Conservative. I did not vote for Obama because he was secretly born another country. I forget which, the one with all the colored people. Quebec I think.

An injury I sustained while taking part in a lynching after a big meth binge has left me with a pre-existing condition that prevents me from getting traditional medical care. At times the pain in my back is so severe I can't even make love to my sister. At least not in the "normal" way like God intended.

While trying to distract me from beating my sister-wife for nagging me about the moonshine still, my nephew-son showed my all the Obamacare options available to me. I shot the computer for being the work of the Devil, but a local navigator was able to take my information over the phone and get me enrolled.

Thanks to the Affordable Care Act, I can now afford things I never thought possible. It's enabled me to buy Copenhagen instead of that cheap Grizzly stuff, and even a shirt with sleeves on it.

Thanks, Obama!

Posted by: Hollowpoint

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posted by Ace at 04:02 PM

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