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July 11, 2013

Sharknado Pre-Thread

As with the Super Bowl, our coverage begins early.

First, of course, let's check the weather on the field of play.

sharknadoprediction.jpg_large.jpg

Well that's some classic sharknado weather. Crisp, with just a brisk snap of shark in the air.

And your five day forecast looks good too.

Next, we have to talk about the ads for the Sharknado Bowl. Did you know that advertisers will be paying as much as four hundred and twenty five dollars for each half minute of advertising time during Sharknado?

All the biggest companies will be vying for eyeballs during Sharknado. Mostly third-tier videogame companies and people selling Fringe DVD sets.

Next, all those crazy Sharknado bets you always hear about! Here are some
proposition bets about what will happen in Sharknado. Of course you can offer your own prop bets.

Someone in #Sharknado says, "It's an F5... with TEETH."

Someone in #sharknado uses a big steel fisherman's hook to stab into the back of a shark and then ride it for some reason.

Under/Over on how many times Global Warming or Climate Change is offered as explanation: 6

Someone in #sharknado says, "We've been intruding in their territory for centuries... Did we think they'd never intrude back?!

Someone says "Apex predator" and someone else says something like "The apex just got higher"

TV weather report on radio warns of "Gale force sharks"

The Sharknado sharks are all killed at the end by Ian Ziering electrifying all the flood water.

The Book of Jonah gets name-checked.

At some point, someone says, "Just like in Mexico when it rained frogs that time."

The movie's Shark Expert, Dr. Carcarion or whatever, says that sharks' aquadynamic streamlining makes them the perfect flying predators, too.

Obviously someone will say to a a shark he's about to kill: "You're *sushi*." But who? Ian Ziering or Tara Reid?

Four part Prop Bet:

1. Ian Ziering must rescue his adorable 7 year old daughter.

2. Who is trapped at an aquarium.

3. Which is flooded and has sharks swimming through the corridors.

4. And ziering and daughter must swim INTO one of the aquarium tanks to take shelter from the sharks OUTSIDE the tanks. And the shark noses up to the glass, and tries to break through, but can't. #worldturnedupsidedown

Back to the single-proposition bets:

A shark sideswipes a car in a flooded street, and the driver says "I just got hit by a... shark."

A TV weatherman advises "There's a 70% chance of sharks."

At some point someone says "Let's get into the basement, maybe it's not as 'sharky' down there."

Tara Reid says, "We're up to our assh*les in sharks here!"

A scientist-type blathers, "It's classic shark pack-hunting behavior."

Two words: Toilet shark

Foreshadowing: First, remoras start falling from the sky. And someone says, "Well, that's the weirdest thing I'll see today."

A TV Weatherman calls it the storm cell "A high-thresher system" in background noise that you can only barely hear.

Guaranteed: Ian Ziering punches a shark.

At some point, a Russian tourist says "In America, shark jumps YOU." (I stole this from someone, forget who.)



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posted by Ace at 07:08 PM

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