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February 25, 2013

Guess The Crime

Somewhere between the horse-lover and couch-admirer, we find this week's entry. Go ahead. Take a crack at it.


Perales entered the lingerie store through an unlocked door around 4:10 AM. A police review of store surveillance video revealed that Perales--5’ 11” and 325 pounds--“walked around the store and shopped.” Then, in what will surely repulse Dr. John's staffers, Perales walked into the manager’s office, removed his clothes, opened some of the merchandise, and “began to please himself anally on the manager’s desk and futon/couch.” ... During his time inside the store, “Perales proceeded to try on female lingerie and experiment with sex toys for approximately two hours,” the complaint notes. When he departed Dr. John's he was “wearing a dress and blond wig belonging to the business.” He also left with a bag “containing various items belonging to the business.”

If you would think such a character could slip away into the night, our perp gave the police a big clue:

The burglar “then walked out of the office naked showing the large tattoo on his back. The tattoo read “PERALES” in Old English lettering.” The distinctive ink helped cops eventually identify Perales.

Unfortunately for the business, several items recovered had to be disposed of due to contamination. Stay classy, Iowa.

Bonus: The Smoking Gun's latest mug shot round-up has some real winners in it, if you are in need of some eye candy after that.

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posted by Brandon Finnigan at 06:22 PM

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