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December 22, 2012

Bar Etiquette [CharlieBrown'sDildo]

This is sort of a follow-up to Damn Dirty RINO's post about the life of a weekend bartender, but from the perspective on the other side of the bar.

Admittedly, these rules don't apply to all bars. One of my first regular stops when I was tall enough to look over the bar to order a drink was a place that taught me to order my beer, sit down, shut up and listen to the juke box. Anything else would jeopardize my health.

This is tailored to my local joint in the suburbs, so some of the behavior just doesn't exist in other places.

In no particular order:

1. Don’t nurse one drink for 45 minutes. It’s rude to the people who want to…you know…drink at the bar, and it cuts into the income of the bartenders.

2. Your shopping bag or briefcase is not deserving of a seat. I am, and if you don’t move the bag I am going to say something rude.

3. Spreading out so that you have plenty of leg room and can look at your drinking buddy may be fun, but it takes up two spots at the bar that can be used by people who are less self-centered than you are.

4. Nobody — and I mean literally nobody on earth — wants to hear your phone conversation. If you absolutely must jabber about the new shoes you just bought (the ones in the bag on the chair next to you), go outside.

5. Don’t sit at the bar while pretending to read a book or making entries in your oh-so-precious “life journal”. This isn’t Eat Pray Love. You are wasting a stool and ruining the atmosphere with your pretentiousness. Go to Starbuck’s and write your shitty poetry there.

6. Move over so that the nice couple behind you, politely waiting to sit down together, can sit down…together. You are not the most important person on earth, despite what your therapist says.

7. If you lay your arm across mine to waggle a fistful of cash at the bartender, I am going to be very tempted to knock your teeth down your throat (I won’t, but I will say something). Don’t touch me unless you are Brooklyn Decker or Kelly Brook[NSFW].

There are many more, but these are the big ones in my book. Feel free to add to the list or embellish mine.

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posted by Open Blogger at 07:25 PM

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