Intermarkets' Privacy Policy

Donate to Ace of Spades HQ!

Recent Entries
Absent Friends
Bandersnatch 2024
GnuBreed 2024
Captain Hate 2023
moon_over_vermont 2023
westminsterdogshow 2023
Ann Wilson(Empire1) 2022
Dave In Texas 2022
Jesse in D.C. 2022
OregonMuse 2022
redc1c4 2021
Tami 2021
Chavez the Hugo 2020
Ibguy 2020
Rickl 2019
Joffen 2014
AoSHQ Writers Group
A site for members of the Horde to post their stories seeking beta readers, editing help, brainstorming, and story ideas. Also to share links to potential publishing outlets, writing help sites, and videos posting tips to get published. Contact OrangeEnt for info:
maildrop62 at proton dot me
Cutting The Cord And Email Security
Moron Meet-Ups

O-BOMB-A, O-BOMB-A | Main | Clint Eastwood: My Speech To The RNC? "Mission Accomplished" Baby
September 07, 2012

The Matthews Method

I have an insight into Chris Matthews.

Hat tip to Dave S., who did that Matthews parody last week, predicting, hilariously, Matthews' reaction to Clint Eastwood:

You know what strikes me? You got this guy, Clint Eastwood, he gets up there and he just looks angry. He looks like an angry, old, white man. And he's speaking to a group of angry, old, white men. So it plays well in the house, but this guy is detached from the pain of those that are left out.

I start to watch this guy, the scowl on his face, and it occurs to me that his role in Gran Torino was more of a biography than anything.

Perfect. And this set my mind to considering Chris Matthews', for lack of a better term, "style."

Chris Matthews realizes that a knock on liberal men is that they are effete and kind of effeminate. So I think he's made the conscious decision to overcompensate, by playing up a near-caricature of the Regular Red-Blooded Blue-Collar Guy Who Throws Back a Gin & Tonic or Nine At the Local Irish Pub.

But I say this is a caricature, because I'm pretty sure Chris Matthews' list of blue collar friends begins at his doorman and ends at his Artisan Tea Barista. Because his idea of "being blue collar" is to deliberate putting things into terms several degrees cruder and more juvenile than necessary.

He definitely doesn't want you to think he's an egghead or refined. Mission accomplished -- I don't. But then, does everything have to be this crude level of playground machismo? Rewind the tape from that statement in a previous post:

He the most powerful statement tonight he made is, I am the President. I am the President, and you're not, and I've had to do the tough things of leading this country, and you haven't, and you don't have a clue about foreign policy. It's all new to you, and you think all we have to do is take two tax cuts to solve our common cold because you don't have a clue as to how to solve this country's challenges. It was a profound statement of, I've got the best position in this country and in this race, because I am doing the job and you're just twiddling your fingers, thinking about what it might be like to be President. And that is huge...

It's all this crude parody of what Bubba -- or not Bubba, an urban Irish Bubba, a Paddy -- down at the bar is thinking. Or what Matthews thinks he's thinking. Which is insulting to Bubba, or Paddy.

His idea of "blue collar" is this never-ending stream of loud, drunken beer-swilled machismo; all gin-fueled pissing match, dick waggling bluster.

And it sounds really false from Chris Matthews (except for the gin-fueled part). Matthews, despite attempting to carve out a niche for himself as a Real Regular-Joe Who Also Likes Barack Obama a Whole Heck of a Lot, is, let's be honest, a soft chubby butterball who would most likely shit himself if an actual Real Man chinned up to him.

But this is what he does, day in, day out. It's all this punk mouth. Blue collar = punk mouth, in his mind.

You know, if you're R. Lee Ermey, I can accept this kind of talk. (Then again, I bet old Gunny is confident enough in his masculinity that he speaks less crudely than this.)

But if you're a soft, fat butterball of the exact effete urban pinky-out metrosexual type you're trying to define yourself against, then it all sounds pretty stupid. It sounds like an act, and it is an act, and the act is tired.

I think Chris Matthews is very similar to the Maureen Dowd in this, in as much as Chris Matthews tries to channel, I don't know, the mindthoughts of some macho masculine male man he once admired in West Side Story, Maureen Dowd's schtick is to channel, even in her advancing age, the snotty, bitchy eighth-grade Mean Girl she probably once was.

And that act is getting even cuter every day closer she gets to 60, let me tell you.

Matthews is what, 60? 63? 66? I don't know. Too old for this act, anyway.

For both of them: It's time to put away childish things. Let's start using our lower registers here. Let's start using our Adult Voices. Let's stop playing the punk and the bitch and try competing on the adult field of play.

Let's drop the whole schtick of pretending to be dumber and cruder than you both really are, because neither of you is terribly smart or elevated to begin with, so you haven't much margin for error here.

If you want to test my theory, try taking a very simple observation -- very obvious, very dumb -- but then do it Chris Matthews style, adding a lot of pointless dick-waggling bluster and unnecessary explication to it. Like, making it more difficult to understand with your unnecessarily convoluted analogy.

Like let's say you want to say Obama's got a confident, but easy, manner that appeals to many women. Simple enough, right? Here's that dumb observation, Matthews-fied:

It's like he's just this guy, right? And he knows who he is. And he's got a little swagger to him, a little Mick Jagger in the jimmy-leg, but not so much that you notice.

But your gal notices.

And this guy, right, he notices your gal, too, and that's a problem for you, because this guy's been around.

Bras aren't a mystery to this guy. He knows a clasp from a hook. He's touched base. He's tagged up. He knows his way around a hooter.

And that's how Obama wins Ohio.

It's this torrent of retarded gutter nonsense all to illustrate a point that hardly admitted of any additional clarification in the first place. It's like his idea of a real journalist is Bob Guccione.

Try it and tell me I'm wrong.

digg this
posted by Ace at 10:58 AM

| Access Comments

Recent Comments
Reforger: "It is the US Administrative state trying to run th ..."

Moron Robbie promises not to say told you so about the tranny shooter: "World's oldest female comedian, 89, is sucker punc ..."

Wolfus Aurelius, Dreaming of Elsewhere [/i] [/b]: "I get back from the grocery just in time for the d ..."

Eeyore: "299 I think it's more like a "cookie" for his fans ..."

Tom Servo: "Nessus Dorma is one of the great tenor opera piec ..."

Alteria Pilgram: "Next weekend the kid's mother heard shooting, and ..."

Delta: "It you would like to receive a callback, too bad. ..."

Skip: "Every call to us is important, someone will be alo ..."

Ciampino - Tech humor #08: "World's oldest female comedian, 89, is sucker punc ..."

Kindltot: "[i]Good morning. I'm still so pissed offI could sp ..."

Delta: "" 3 hours on hold with Delta. Posted by: nevereno ..."

[/b][/s][/u][/i]muldoon: "Oh FFS. Colonoscopy prep and the lady in the b ..."

Recent Entries

Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
Powered by
Movable Type 2.64