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May 04, 2012

Friday Night ONT [Ben]

May the Fourth Be With You

Before he absconded with a bottle of whiskey and a single sock, CDR-M informed me that today is Star Wars Day. I don't know much about Star Wars. I've watched the movies, but I don't consider myself an uber-fan. I do know that Orthodox Star Wars Day isn't for another two weeks.



Star Wars Art Exhibition?


Meh. (h/t to CDR-M)

The B@stards Did It! They Created a Light Saber!

As DrewM pointed out on twitter, you better get yours before this company is bankrupted by lawsuits.


Ranking the Complete Works of Stephen King

I didn't realize how few Stephen King novels I've read until I went through this list. I remember my father giving me The Night Shift when I was 10 or 11. It was a collection of short stories and the cover was a drawing of a bandaged hand that had eyes on it's finger tips. I was transfixed as I read The Mangler, Battleground, The Man Who Loved Flowers, Sometimes They Come Back, Night Surf(loosely related to The Stand), The Boogeyman, and The Lawnmower Man. I don't think I've ever read any Stephen King books since then. After going through these, I've decided to add several of these to my ever growing reading list.


Here is a list of 7 through 3


7. The Dark Tower IV: Wizard and Glass: This prequel tells the story of a young Roland, his first great adventure and his first (possibly only) true romance. It's an incredibly well-told tale, one that aches with a sense of young love other authors could only fantasize about writing.

6. Misery: Originally meant to be a Bachman book, with all the darkness those books are known for, this tight thriller somehow makes a popular writer's greatest fear (getting kidnapped by an insane fan) our greatest fear, if only temporarily. Annie Wilkes, writer Paul Sheldon's "number-one fan," is one of King's most hilarious, batshit crazy creations.

5. Different Seasons: Four novellas: Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption, Apt Pupil, The Body, The Breathing Method. Three of them are utter knockouts. (Not coincidentally, all three of those were made into good to great films — you know The Body as Stand by Me.) There's not a ghost or demon in the bunch, just great characters and frightening portraits of humanity.

4. The Shining: If 'Salem's Lot is the great modern vampire novel, then The Shining is the great modern haunted house book. It may be a while since you've read it, and the name may conjure up only the images from Stanley Kubrick's film, so iconic are they. But drip into it again and you'll see why the book holds up. In addition to being one of his most frightening (the lady in Room 217!!), it's also one of King's most personal works — the story of an alcoholic writer and the havoc he wreaks upon his small family.

3. IT: One of King's biggest books, both literally and figuratively. He throws everything he's got in this one. Concerned with a group of kids who have to fight off an evil, alien child killer, IT is about the essence of fear, the mysterious nature of small towns, the 1950s and movie monsters. King's wisest book about the dangers and joys of childhood (of which he wrote much in his early years), it also contains more scares per chapter than anything he wrote before or since.


The movie version of IT scared the crap out of me, so I've put it atop my list of Stephen King books to read.
Thanks to Slublog for the hat tip.

When is a Pregnancy a Bad Thing?

When the starting goalie of the Argentinian Field Hockey team gets pregnant three months before the Summer Olympics.


Secret EU Plot to Create Super Powerful EU President

In an attempt to marginalize Great Britain, the last roadblock to a Centralized European Super State, and further erode the sovereignty of other European nations, the EU is planning on merging the positions of the President of the European Council and the President of the European Commission.

This makes me think of the famous Tom Wolfe quote, "He sounded like Jean-François Revel, a French socialist writer who talks about one of the great unexplained phenomena of modern astronomy: namely, that the dark night of fascism is always descending in the United States and yet lands only in Europe. "

A Mouth Spray That Gets You Drunk Instantly

I'm not sure who would buy a product like this. One of the fun parts of getting drunk is actually consuming the alcohol. What's the fun in getting drunk instantly?

I remember accidentally getting drunk off diethyl ether in high school. We were using it and I unintentionally (I swear) took a deep breath near the container. I immediately felt loopy and nauseous. It wasn't pleasant.

The rather uncomfortably titled WA|HH Quantum Sensations spray will get you automatically drunk once it's been sprayed in your mouth and it will only last for a few seconds. Once it's gone, you'll be able to pass a breathalyser with flying colours. Each time you spray it in your confused mouth, you'll be getting 0.075 mililetres of alcohol. It's created by a French American scientist called David Edwards who claims that the specially designed spray mechanism ensures that the effect is instantaneous. The device itself was designed, and modelled above, by Philippe Starck.

Obviously we will add it to the AoSHQ Amazon Store when it comes on the market.

Half Baked Tanorexic Mother: Critics are "Jealous, Fat and Ugly"

Or Toast of the Town as Jammie Wearing Fool refers to her.

“Any mother who makes an accusation about me is not a mother because I’m a great mother — I would never do that to my child,” Krentcil rants. “There’s somebody out there for my whole life that doesn’t like me because they are jealous, fat and they’re ugly.”

Krentcil was charged with felony child endangerment yesterday after allegedly bringing her daughter into a tanning booth at City Tropic Tanning salon in Nutley, NJ. She was released on $25,000 bail.


She's 1/32 Lava Creature


If you didn't get enough mediocrity here, then please follow me on twitter.

Don't forget to hit the tip jar and give Ace some extra scratch. I've been ordering all my Amazon Products through the AoSHQ store on the top right of the side bar. I suggest you do too. You'll be helping Ace out and it doesn't cost you anything extra. I just picked up Jonah Goldberg's Tyranny of Cliches for kindle. I'm really looking forward to reading it.

I would like to do something neat(yeah I used that word) for tomorrow's ONT. I know a lot of you have blogs. Please e-mail me your HQ nickname and a link to your blog. I will post it in tomorrows ONT. Please send a direct link to your blog, not a shortened one. Send them to Silentcal1929 at the yahoo e-mail address.

Tonight's ONT Brought to You By Friends:

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