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February 26, 2012

Moron Movie Review: Act of Valor

I'm no movie critic or expert in the art of filmmaking, and I've avoided reading every review of this movie for the express purpose of writing this man-on-the-street review without letting anyone else's bias creep in.

I haven't really liked an action/war movie since We Were Soldiers. And since becoming a parent a little over a decade ago, I could count the non-G rated movies I've seen at the theater without taking my shoes off.

But I do have about every possible method of movie delivery into a home imaginable and a great home theater setup, so I've seen most everything interesting in that time without really directly ponying up much money to Hollywood for it.

Probably the most celebrated film in the genre during this time was The Hurt Locker. It won 6 Oscars, and here's my mini-review of it: It's a plodding, predictable, utterly uninspired piece of shit.

Which brings me to the point of this review, which I rewrote parts of after thinking on it a little in light of the fact that the Academy Awards are tonight.


Look, no one "who matters" is ever going to call this film great art. They're just not.

The blowhole douchebags in Hollywood aren't going to fall all over themselves talking about how wonderful it is, and it's never going to rate 4-boners out of 5 at Sundance.

Why? Because there's no doubt about the who the good guys and bad guys are. The good guys are the U. S. Motherf*cking A. and the bad guys are the enemy. Jingoistic? Yeah, and it bears a pretty good resemblance to reality too, which the left and Hollywood (BIRM) can't stand.

Real Navy SEAL's made a movie that showcased their extraordinary skills. Knowing the "actors" and their families are authentic is a part of the movie. The dialogue is pretty stilted, but these are real men and amateur actors, as opposed to the exact opposite you'll see in, say, a Brad Pitt or Matt Damon flick.

So, on to the actual movie.

SPOILERS MAY APPEAR FROM THIS POINT FORWARD

As a connoisseur of fine and not-so-fine action movies, one thing I love. Love, LOVE about this movie is the technical details they got right. For example, the myth of the bottomless M-4 magazine is exploded by the frequent and well-announced mag changes. Because, you know, 30 rounds don't really last that long.

If you can only justify to yourself the exorbitant amount of taxes you pay to the federal government by imagining that it goes directly to the tip of the spear, you'll like this movie.

And if the sight of boats slung from Chinooks, realtime video from drone surveillance, or merely something as simple and beautiful as 7.62x51 brass streaming out of a minigun gets you excited, you may want to go ahead and call your doctor about that 4-hour thing they talk about on the ED commercials.

MEGA SPOILER

The plot centers on bringing a terror weapon across the border from Mexico. Liberal film critics will be wetting the hell out of their beds over this one, because that could never happen.

Outside the action, the movie reminds us that our soldiers are people who live, love, dream, want the best for their families but that their "family" also includes their brothers in arms. For those of us with connections to the military, this may not seem like a big deal, but most of the US population has no direct connection to today's military and I hope this resonates with them a little.

I'll leave it to Ace to do a full review on the artistic merits, but I liked the movie. And knowing that my contribution to its box-office take on opening weekend is a big middle finger pointed at Hollywood makes it all the better.

Go see the movie. You'll like it.

And stay for the credits. The first thing you'll see is the names of all the SEALs who have paid the ultimate price for our freedom since 9/11/01. Heroes all.

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posted by Andy at 11:27 AM

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