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March 24, 2011

One-Woman Brain Trust of Andrea Mitchell Defines Obama Doctrine

"It's emerging," she says.

So let's parse this. The Obama Doctrine, per Renaissance woman and executive fellatrix Andrea Mitchell, consists of four parts:

1) "When you have a catastrophe you can avert"

2) "and the benefits outweigh the costs"

3) "and you have an international or multilateral support"

4) "Go for it."

1 almost always exists in the world.

2 is just a restatement of the simple utilitarian idea of "if the good outweighs the bad," a calculation so obvious every person on the face of the planet, including the most stupid among us, does it at least six times per day, while making mundane purchases like toilet paper. (One ply? Two ply? Double sized rolls? Cottony feel? "It's like a day-spa for your ass"?!?!)

But more importantly, this is like the "???" in the Gnomes' business model. This is of course the key question -- when do the costs exceed the benefits? According to what criteria? Defined against what imperatives? In support of what goals?

That is largely unanswerable, and the whole point of a doctrine is to announce relative priorities to make this question at least ballpark answerable or subject, at least, to some kind of analysis with defined parameters. Doctor Andrea Mitchell doesn't seem aware of this, and for her, simply asking if the costs exceed the benefits is a terrificly probing question.

3 is so obvious George W. Bush used it as a criterion too. Except the French weren't on board with his coalition. So she really means France. Once again. It's what they always mean. The last time the US went to war without foreign partners was, I think, the Punitive Expedition against Pancho Villa.

Yeah. It's been a while, huh?

4 is a categorical imperative derived from the philosophy of Rocco "Rocky" Balboa in his dialogues with Clubber Lang.

And there's your Obama Doctrine. If Mickey's dead, and you're being trained by Apollo Creed (who counts as a sovereign power due to his titles of "The King of Sting" and "The Count of Monte Fisto"), and you have permission from the French foreign minister, you should, per this elaborate, sophisticated doctrine, "Go for it."

Via Greg Hengler. Thanks to Ben.

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posted by Ace at 11:26 AM

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